4th Trimester: How to Help Your Friend After They’ve Given Birth

Your new mama isn’t going to feel much like cooking, so getting food taken care of will help take the burden off. Opt for healthy foods, and inquire first about food allergies or maybe something she’s craving.

Drop off a meal
Pick a meal and drop it off. This could be breakfast, lunch, or dinner but think about the less commonly gifted meals. Meaning, everyone drops dinner off but what about a fresh breakfast burrito or tuna fish sandwich? Change it up so that she can get some variety and doesn’t need to bother with heating up another casserole.

Set up a meal train
While you’re thinking about which meal to take to your friend, why not get several weeks’ worth of meals taken care of. Go to mealtrain.com to set up a plan where friends and family can sign up. This lets both locals and out-of-town family be able to see what when they can help. Go the extra step and call people to get as many meals taken care of as possible.

Do the grocery shopping
Get the grocery list and do the shopping. This might be running to the store for some quick things or doing a full Costco run for your friend. If you don’t do it, either she’ll need to figure out doing it with her baby or it’ll be another thing on dad’s to-do list. Help the family get some quality bonding in by leaving them home while you do the shopping.

Dishes pile up. Laundry doesn’t get folded. Cleaning gets put off. These are all common by-products of having a newborn and all the extra that needs to be done.

Do the dishes and laundry
Don’t wait to be asked, just dive in. Moms who are pumping or bottle feeding will have a never-ending sink of dishes to do unless you dive in and get them done. Make sure the laundry is done, folded, and put away. There’s something about drawers and closets filled with clean laundry that makes the house feel organized.

Vacuum and mop
Your friend is likely exhausted. She is recovering from childbirth and likely has many sleepless nights and pulling out the vacuum is the last thing on her mind. But it won’t be long before baby is creeping along those floors so they might as well be kept clean from the start.

Hire a cleaning service
For the deeper cleaning stuff, consider hiring a cleaning service. This way not only will the floors get cleaned, but the kitchen will get a solid once over, and the bathrooms will be scoured as well. Hiring a cleaning service takes any awkwardness out of the gift. As much as I love my friends, I’d feel weird about them cleaning my bathrooms.

Emotional support is one of the biggest things you can do to help a friend who has just given birth. According to mom of three Kim Delatorre, knowing a friend had her back was critical. “When I had my kids the one thing I needed the most was support,” she told Mom.com. “Just having someone there for me helped me feel like I could do this! A supportive person is something every new and seasoned mommy should have.”

In fact, Prianca Naik, M.D. told Mom.com that some moms are just looking for permission to be themselves. “They need to be told it’s okay not to breastfeed if they do not want to or feel like they cannot.”

Have adult conversations
For many moms, having a baby means the only thing people talk about is the baby. She may feel isolated from the world. Sit down with her and talk about a hobby, work, or how your home remodel is going. Bring her magazines that will provoke conversations about things you know she is interested in.

Give mom time to care for herself
Walk the dog, hold the baby, or take the older kids for a while so that your friend has some time to be alone, take a shower, or trim her toenails. In fact, watch the baby while you indulge mom with a gift certificate to get a pedicure. She’ll love the indulgence and it’s easy enough to do. Whatever you choose to do, don’t wait for mom to ask or give permission. Just do it and know that anything and everything is appreciated.