It seems like when it comes to stay-at-home moms, everyone has an opinion. While some kind-hearted folks are still of the antiquated mindset that staying at home with young kids is equivalent to watching soaps and eating bonbons, I think for the most part, the general population agrees that it’s an important and challenging gig.
But, on the days when I am home with my kids, fully aware that it’s a privilege and a gift and all that karmic goodness stuff, I also have to ask myself one simple question:
Why is staying at home so darn hard?
Being a stay-at-home mom means putting yourself last
Then I came across a sentiment from a fellow stay-at-home mom that perfectly summarized the answer to that question.
She mentioned that while she loves having the opportunity to stay at home and cherishes the time with her children, the plain and honest truth is that sometimes, it’s just hard to have our entire life revolve around everybody else.
I realized that she was right.
Every part of my day, from the time I get up in the morning to the time I can go to sleep, revolves around somebody else.
As a stay-at-home mom, nothing about my day is mine.
I don’t simply wake up in the morning — I have to strategize my wake-up approach. Do I want to try to get up before the baby and contend with leaking boobs in whatever activity I then try to embark on? Or do I want to sleep until the last possible second until the baby wakes up screaming and then spend the rest of the morning rushing to catch up?
I don’t just eat when I’m hungry. Oh, no — I have to make sure all the kids are fed first, cleaned up first, and then happily engaged while I try to find something that is semi-healthy for myself, and then I have to do the baby-bounce while I hold her and try to shovel in food standing at the counter.
I don’t just work when I have work to get done; getting any type of work done is akin to creating a plan of war. I have to first consult my husband’s schedule, make sure he has nothing going on, then double-check there’s nothing going on with the kids who are in school, then decide if it’s work I can do at home with the kids or if I need to pay a babysitter, then I have to try to get the sitter. And then, if all goes well, I have to fit all of my daily work into the two hours before the sitter comes and then hope that nobody gets sick. Which they inevitably will, you just know it.
As a stay-at-home mom, nothing about my day is mine.
I’m no saint, but I feel like the Mother Teresa of this household
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Even my body is not mine alone. That ship sailed six years ago, when I peed on a stick, apparently. I’ve shared my body in every possible way for the past six years of my life and it shows. When I sip my coffee in the morning, I do it with a prayer that I will actually get to finish the cup before somebody poops their pants or has a temper tantrum or demands I cook for them.
It may sound selfish, but think about it — how many people base their entire lives serving other people? I can think of a few. (Mother Teresa comes to mind and oh, wait, she’s a saint.)
It’s OK to admit that being a SAHM is hard work
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I think it’s only natural to feel some frustration in the role that staying at home places us in. Most of us have grown up living for ourselves up to this point, for good reason, and then to suddenly do a complete 180 and have our entire lives revolve around another person or persons is hard.
We’re only human, after all.
When I thought about all of the days that I’ve wondered why I found staying at home so hard, I realized that it’s not just me — it actually is legitimately hard. This made me feel a whole lot better.
Also, props to Mother Teresa. I bet she didn’t even get to drink lukewarm coffee.
