Real Parents Share Hilarious Newborn Stories

The first days of motherhood are a blur of diaper changes and sleepless nights. But they’re also a treasure trove of hilarious stories. You may not think it’s amusing at the time, but you will have some amazing tales to tell someday. Read on to find out what happened to 10 real-life parents.

My baby was about 2 months old when I decided to join a new mommy group. I was a little nervous and wanted to make a good first impression. The mommies started to introduce themselves and their babies around the circle. When it came to my turn, I did a really good job of telling them my name, and then I started to tell them my baby's name … and I completely forgot. Yes, I forgot my new baby's name. The baby I had helped name. I forgot it for so long that we had to move on and finish the names of the other mommies and babies in the group. And that was when I realized my baby's name was monogrammed on his blanket.

—Molly Meyer, San Jose, California

My 11-month-old was keeping himself entertained one morning, when I decided it would be a good time to pull out my wax kit and take care of business. The little guy had been content playing with my hairbrush, so I set up my waxing station at the edge of the bed and immediately heard the sound of the brush being hurled against the dresser. I looked up to see the baby crawling toward me with the determination of a cartoon villain eager to cause epic destruction. I used my foot to gently redirect him, but once he started grabbing my legs and pulling himself up I had no choice but to stand up and move. Unable to shake baby Gargamel, I was forced to run-hop around the room with a strip of wax stuck to my nether regions while tripping over my pajama pants legs.

—Sabrina Enayatulla, Ossining, New York, Slice of Lemon

It was a middle of the night diaper change that my husband so graciously offered to do. Only this time, the little one was not yet done with her business. So, picture a thoughtful new father adoringly changing a diaper only to rapidly be assaulted with projectile missiles not of the yellow nature. His innocent, yet quick, response was to leave said child on the couch and jump as far back as possible to save himself from the incoming assault. Needless to say, I am of no help—laughing hysterically, yelling at him for leaving her alone at the couch, and mentally logging the damage done to nearby furniture.

—Jeannie Traback, Puyallup, Washington

During Rachel's first few months, she refused to sleep unless she was swaddled so tightly she couldn't move her arms and legs. Once we figured that out, we swaddled her whenever she went to sleep. But the problem was, as she grew bigger and stronger, she began to kick apart her tucked-in swaddle and wake herself up.

We didn't know what to do—until my husband took a good look at the duct tape. Every night, we'd swaddle her up … and then break out the duct tape, sealing the tucked-in corners of the blanket so she couldn't kick them open. We have no photos of the "duct tape swaddle" due to fears of Child Protective Services misinterpreting the situation.

—Susannah Pfalzer, San Jose, California

I remember the first day we took our first child home after an extended stay at the hospital. We were exhausted and our baby was screaming. I looked at my wife with an odd expression, and she gave me a similar glance, and without words we instantly knew what the other was saying: "My God, what have we gotten ourselves into???" and the sudden realization that there was NO. WAY. OUT. Obviously it gets better because we decided to have two more!

—James Hong, Menlo Park California

The cashier at the grocery store asked, "When are you due?" I replied, "Um, I gave birth last month." She said, "Oh, this is awkward." I wasn't mad, as she was young and didn't know, so I explained, "After you give birth, your stomach doesn't shrink right away." She apologized. Well, at least this will make her think twice before making pregnancy assumptions!

—Maria Wen Adcock, Suffolk County, New York, Bicultural Mama

My brother-in-law was really excited when their baby was going to start her first solids. My sister told him that they were going to start with cereal, and he came home with a box of Quaker oatmeal. He had no idea.

—Lisa Kuebler, Atlanta, The Little Good Ride

When Zoe was a day old, she was crying hysterically in the hospital. I had just breastfed her and also gave her a bottle of formula, but I couldn't soothe her. A nurse comes running into the room and snatches Zoe away from me saying, "It's very unusual for a baby to cry like this and I'm thinking she might be injured. Sometimes the collarbone gets broken upon delivery. I need to take your daughter and have her examined.” Thirty minutes later, the nurse brings Zoe back to me, swaddled and soothed.

The problem? She was hungry and she did not like the nipple on the bottle I was using. Seriously, this infant cried so hard that they thought she was literally broken, and it was because she was picky about what kind of nipple was on the bottle? To this day, she is a picky eater!

—Michelle Dudley, Rye, New York

I remember the first time I left the apartment with Luke. He started fully crying. In the middle of Trader Joe's. Surely, alarms are going to go off and the store manager is going to announce, “Will the mom with the spirited baby please exit the store at once?” I’m starting to sweat, and told my sister that I was going back out to the car to try nursing him again in the backseat. Without tinted windows, mind you.

Well, I guess I was really nervous, because my milk wouldn’t let down. Luke is still crying and I’m REALLY sweating with hormonal hot flashes and all. My sister eventually came out to check on me and I'm in tears and cry, “Forget it. Let's go home.” And with that, we left. As irony would have it, of course Luke fell asleep right as we pulled up into my driveway.

—Jessica Patay, Palos Verdes, California, Confetti and Confessions