What to Know
It seems like the Halloween decorations have barely come down before everyone in your life starts asking, “Well, what do the kids want for Christmas?” And while we can appreciate the intent and care behind the question, sometimes it just adds to the stress and anxiety of the entire holiday season—especially when they’re asking too soon, or multiple times. One TikTok mom is sharing why she absolutely hates it when extended family members ask this question, and it’s sparked a hot conversation in the comments section.
“This is possibly going to be really controversial, but I can’t be the only mum who feels like this,” begins Holly Hickford, a mom of three living in the U.K. “There is one thing I really, really despise this time of year, and that is when family members ask you what they can get your kids for Christmas.”
She follows up her bold statement by saying she’s not ungrateful, she just feels like it adds to the overall pressure of gift-giving during Christmas. She’s got three kids who all have winter birthdays, and not only does she have to come up with the gifts she’s giving them as their parent (or Santa), she’s expected to figure out what her entire family is giving her three kids for Christmas and their birthdays. That’s A LOT, tbh.
“Why does it fall on us parents to get stressed out figuring out what we’re going to buy our kids, but also have to think of somewhere between 8-10 presents, per kid, for family as well?” She says she just doesn’t have the “brain space” leading up to Christmas to think of that many present ideas. And honestly, SAME.
Comments on her video were mostly in agreement with Hickford.
“I would rather my kids have time spent with them, than money spent on them,” one parent wrote. “You can’t buy memories.”
This is SUCH a good point. I love the idea of giving the gift of an experience over a physical present. And it doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive—a simple lunch date or movie night would be lovely.
“I wish there was a way I could tell people to NOT get them anything,” another parent says. “They have loads of toys! But I keep being told then that I’m being tight or, yeah but I want them to have something from me. Put money in their accounts that we can’t touch til they’re 18!!”
“This! My friend starts asking in September what my kids want. I DONT KNOW! It’s September!” says another mom.
Another commenter had an absolutely genius idea: “I personally feel that kids get everything they need from the parents for Christmas, so sometimes when others want to buy a gift they should really get something for the home/ family or the parents themselves. The kids get enough.”
AMEN.
Other people pointed out that maybe family members don’t want to “waste their money” on gifts they’ve already got or something they may not like—which is fair. But there’s a difference between double-checking ahead of buying the gift vs. just not knowing at all what to get them.
The issue is that this question adds yet another decision-making task to Mom’s plate (because we all know no one is asking dads). Instead of feeling supported, she feels like she’s now responsible for coordinating everyone else’s shopping too. If you’re the default parent in the month of December, even the tiniest request can feel astronomical, simply because of how stressful things are during that time.
Perhaps making a gift list that can be shared with multiple people is one way to solve the issue—that way people can see what’s been purchased already, and the list will be filled with things the kids actually do want. But honestly, you can’t go wrong with the gift of quality time, in any form.
