My 2-year-old had a busy 2016. He learned to bat his sister's princess dolls off of his tee, dismantle a flashlight and scream, "I want a smoothie!" at 5 a.m.
He will turn 3 in the middle of the year and has a lot to accomplish before his big birthday and the gradual loss of his ability to function like an irate dictator in a minion T-shirt. Here are some of his resolutions to start the New Year right.
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1. For my health: Begin 2017 with a cookie and candy bar cleanse. I know mom still has treats stashed away. I will demand them every day.
- I declare 2017 the year of no pants.
My motto: Cooperate with no one.
- Efforts to continue: Continue to gaslight mom. She currently is questioning the very nature of reality due to sleep deprivation and that Pavlovian flinch she's developed every time she suggests a healthy snack. Keep up the good work, team.
4. Fears to conquer: The fear of the dark, so I can sneak out of my room and come for my parents in the middle of the night.
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Goals to accomplish: Lick everything my sister owns.
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Deposit suspicious looking residue on my mom's most precious items, which at this point seems to be her coffee and free time.
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Scream louder.
8. Resist all potty training efforts.
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To just really be present when I throw fits. I want to be in those moments and savor them. You know?
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Do my best to break my bad habit of being coerced by the offer of cookies or the threats of time out. My motto: Cooperate with no one.
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To finally catch the neighbor's cat.
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12. New skills: The remote control. I just don't believe mom when she says it's broken.
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My word for the year: Tantrum.
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Habits to kick: Sleep.
