Co-sleeping is something that many parents experience, even if for just a short time. Whether it's part of your master-parenting plan or it just sort of happened, you quickly become aware of the pros and cons of sharing the bed with a toddler.
Here are some things that may happen at some point if you find yourself with a little human cub in your bed:
Sure, when you let your toddler sleep with you, you may be in for a night filled with bloody noses (yours), tears (again, yours) and interrupted sleep. But spending those hours snuggled up with your baby boo, filling her warm little breath on your cheek, watching her dream, hearing her night giggles and just knowing she is safe and sleeping peacefully by your side is all worth it (or that's what I tell myself). They won't be this little forever, and the throat kicks will hurt so much more later on.
1. You will wake up at least once in the night to move your child, who is sprawled out like a spider monkey across your bed
My toddler is a wee little human who dominates hide-and-seek because she fits inside laundry hampers and the smallest little nooks and crevices around the house. But somehow, when sleeping with me in my bed, my child becomes five times her daytime size and has the arm span of an orangutan and the legs of an NBA player. She'll occupy all but the crusts of the bed, leaving me to find pockets of mattress space in between her arm and torso or in the space beneath her bent little knees.
2. You may or may not breathe in pee particles most of the night.
And by "may," I mean you will, and by "may not," I mean you will. But you'll pretend or convince yourself that you're not breathing in pee particles just because you're too tired to change the diaper or pull-up that's smooshed up against your face, or you're worried that a toddler reposition may just wake the sleeping baby-giant and create a middle-of-the-night disaster.
3. You will get kicked in the jaw
Or punched in the ribs or helicopter kicked in the throat. And it will hurt so bad, but you'll have to silent scream and air punch it out, then wince quietly to yourself as you try to fall back to sleep on your breadstick-sized portion of the bed.
4. You will wake up some mornings and bitch about how you need to stop letting her sleep in your bed.
It will be on a morning after one of those shitty nights when all of the above happens. You'll be cranky and tired, and your neck will be sore. And you will say, "Enough! I've had it! We've got to stop doing this!" But then when night falls and enough hours of the day and enough cute faces and phrases have been made and uttered by your little co-sleeper, you'll watch the moon move across her face as she snores in deep adorable slumber next to you, and you'll be like, "I want to do this forever."
5. You will not have sex
And if you go for long stretches of co-sleeping nights, "Nurse Naughty" will turn into "Nurse Never Waxes Her Bikini Line Anymore ," and your husband will take long, long showers.
6. You will wake up with drool on your face that's not yours.
And the worst part is, you're not sure if it's even your toddler's. Ew. But c'mon, we're parents now, enduring gross things should be like breathing at this point.
7. When you take that much-needed night away with your hubby, you will wake up startled and spend the next half-lucid 30 seconds frantically looking for your toddler.
You will break into a cold sweat, scramble around on all fours on the bed, frantically patting down lumps in the comforter and then spring to the floor darting around like a squirrel on speed looking under and around the bed until you fully wake and realize that you are on a romantic, kidless vacation. You will collapse back in bed, heart racing and missing your baby. And your husband will sleep right through it.
8. You will decide to quit telling people that you let your toddler sleep with you
Not because what they think or say will have a bearing on whether or not you continue to sleep with your toddler, but because your ears will bleed if you hear one more, "you really shouldn't do that" or "she needs to be sleeping in her own bed." No one else knows what's best for your family or situation. And no one wants their ears to bleed.
9. You will use your toddler as a source of warmth on cold nights.
Toddlers radiate heat like the sun's core. And on those chilly winter nights when the down comforter is not enough, you will drape your toddler over you like a big bear (cub) rug. You've given up hours of sleep for their well-being and comfort, so this is the least they can do for you.
10. You will miss snuggling them at night when they get too big to sleep with you.
