Taking an International Flight with kids is no joke, especially when the hubs can’t join you and (ever so conveniently) meets up with you later by way of a separate flight. Sixteen hours of flight time with tight connections, immigration lines and a 3-year-old? Yeah, things get hectic for sure. Just the mere anticipation of all the things that could possibly happen mid-flight throws you into cold sweats and a mild case of diarrhea. And then you realize the anticipation wasn’t even close to the worst of it.
But, thankfully, you live through it. Are you a better mom for it? Who can say. But here is a play by play of what happens on an international flight with a toddler, as expressed through a series of gentle and poetic haikus.
1.
Run through terminal
Thank goodness gate not yet closed
I blame Cinnabon
RELATED: 10 Crazy Parenting Superstitions I Swear Are True
Walking through First Class
Passengers give me soft smile
Want to flip them off
My daughter sits down
“This isn’t our section babe”
I heard some guy cheer
Looking for our seats
Hearing exhales as we pass
Are you serious?
5.
Sit next to a man
who is clipping his toenails
And we’re the feared ones?
Sitting on runway
Impatient toddler asks me
“Mom, are we there yet?”
12 more hours to go
And we’ve burned through all the toys
Who has Benadryl?
Hey there 16A
Letting loose with all the farts
Why so cavalier?
Meal has just been served
Curry beef with vegetables
Every kid’s favorite!
Airline attendant:
Did you mean to call again?
Me: *looks at toddler"
Lady in the aisle
Standing with ass in my face
Please stretch somewhere else
She slept for 8 hours!
We’d be rejoicing if there
weren’t 6 hours left.
Toddler on toilet
Turbulence happens mid stream
You know what happens
We return to seat
She’s buckled in and cozy
“WHAT? You need to poop?!!”
Peppa falls to floor
I bend down to pick it up
MEAL CART TO SHOULDER!
I take a short nap
Attendant wakes me for snack
I have a drool beard
Dude is still farting
The kind that burn your nose hairs
Will we recover?
My kids are asleep
That’s what I’m talkin’ about
I eat their Skittles
Squeeze in a movie?
Something intellectual
Like "Ride Along 2"
Time for the descent
Ear pressure hits the toddler
She loses her shit
Touch down. We made it!
I hug the toenail cutter
He embraces back.
I do 360
With “How you like me now?” face
Toddler was a saint.
RELATED: The Haiku of Pregnancy
I hear “WAY TO GO!”
A dad flying with his kid
Is getting the praise
We exit the plane
I feel my eyes well with tears
Because, return flight.
