The world looks different from a toddler's perspective. Common, everyday things we encounter on a daily basis take on a different meaning for a 2-year-old. And they wouldn't define simple, ordinary words the same way we adults would. So, what if there were a dictionary written by toddlers for toddlers? Here's what it might look like.
Pants
noun [pants]
-
Tool for lower-half of body torture
-
Leg imprisonment
Synonym: nonsense
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Bed
noun [bɛd]
-
A place to sometimes sleep, but mostly roll around and plot ways to not have to sleep
-
The thing in your room that collects cobwebs, but that thing in your parents' room that serves as the arena for the Gracie Jiu Jitsu you unknowingly perform on your parents every night
Used in a sentence: "Pleez can I sleep in your bed, mommy. Pleeeeez?!"
Remote Control
noun [ri-moht kuh n-trohl]
-
A piano for stuffed animals
-
An "ice cream cone" to put in the freezer (yes, the actual freezer)
-
Space ship control panel
-
The thing mom and dad yell about never being able to find
Synonym: the %*(@#% controller
Vegetables
noun [vej-tuh-buh ls]
-
Ammunition for hand slingshot
-
Things you hide under your plate, down your pants, on the floor and in your nose, if necessary
Synonym: not chocolate
Stroller
noun [stroh-ler]
-
Not as good as mommy's arms
-
But better than walking
Bathroom
noun [bath-room]
-
a place where mommy hides
-
And too often gets diahrhea (yeah right, mom)
synonym: mom's alibi
Grandparents
noun [gran-pair-uh nts]
-
A nicer, more lenient (better) version of mom and dad
-
Giver of all things deemed off-limits by my boring parents
Synonym: saints, angels, now we're talking
Parents
noun [pair-uh nts]
-
Suckers
-
The "NO" people
-
The grown ups to which you love to give the hardest time, but whom you couldn't live without
Art
noun [ahrt], [rhymes with fart, tee hee]
-
Pictures you draw on your skin with the Sharpie that your parents didn't hide very well
-
Stars and cats and Olafs drawn with mom's lipstick on the TV screen
Synonym: the messier the better
Play-Doh
noun [Play-Doh]
-
Heaven in moldable form
-
Pliable goo to be pushed into computer keyboards and smeared onto nice rugs and furniture and every thing in existence
Synonym: mommy and daddy's personal hell.
Naptime
Noun [nap-tahym]
- A time to sit in your bed and quietly destroy things and take off your pants
Synonym: mom's sanity
Bathtub
Noun [bath-tuhb]
-
A place where you sometimes end up eating soap and drinking your own filth
-
Place where you can pee like a mermaid
iPhone
noun [ahy-fohn]
-
Their life force
-
Their oxygen
Synonym: grown-up air
Restaurant
noun [res-tə-ˌränt]
-
A business establishment where a parent can buy and then either not eat their meal at all or wolf it down in the two minutes before you get "impatient"
-
A place at which you sometimes (always) lose your shit in front of a captive audience
-
A place only to go to if parents have gotten a lot of sleep the night before
Synonym: self-inflicted pain to parents
Older Brother
adjective, noun [ohl-der bruhth -er]
-
a really good bodyguard
-
a really good alibi
-
the one who is mostly always patient with you, but sometimes not
Synonym: living jungle gym
Scissors
noun [siz-erz]
-
Sharp things that make your hair fall off
-
And Dora doll's hair fall off
-
Your use of which makes your mom very, very upset
Synonym: Holy shit, where'd you get those? (mom calls it that)
YouTube
noun [yoo-toob]
-
The thing that puts you on notice that you have an addictive personality
-
Where all things amazing are found
Synonym: everything
RELATED: 17 Parenting Mantras We Can Actually Use
Happiness
noun [ˈha-pē-nəs]
-
Undivided attention from mom, dad or anyone, really
-
Bubble guns
-
Running free without fabric shackles (clothing) or a diaper
-
Endless time on the iPad
-
Tearing the flaps off picture books with reckless abandon
-
Being a toddler
Images via Andrea Wada Davies
