I Tore at the Top and Bottom During Childbirth — Here’s How I Recovered and Accepted My New Vagina

I tore twice! At the top and bottom (yes, your clit can tear too!) Both were level 2 tears requiring stitches and recovery time, but I was still able to have sex six weeks after delivery. And yes, sex felt different, and yes, my vagina looks different, but everything still worked as expected. 

With time, I learned not only to accept my new vagina but to embrace her for what she is: an amazing and beautiful vessel that helped me bring an adorable little human into this world.

With time, patience, and attention, you will be amazed at how quickly your body can recover and how quickly you can get back into the swing of things.

Give yourself and your vagina some time to rest! Prioritize a daily sitz bath.

• Reserve 10 minutes a day for alone time. This will also help you mentally decompress and get away while allowing time for your vagina to recover!
• If you tore like I did, they may tell you not to submerge your vagina in water, but that’s a bit misleading. You should likely avoid taking extended baths/using hot tubs, but sitz baths are OK! I unknowingly skipped sitz baths the first two weeks until my vagina started swelling. A quick call to the doctor corrected the misinformation and confirmed sitz baths were approved.
• To perform a sitz bath outside of the tub, you will need to buy a sitz bath insert, which is placed on top of the toilet seat and filled with a ratio of approx. ½ cup epsom salts to 1 gallon of water. Make sure the water is comfortably warm and not too hot.
• If you’re feeling fancy, you can use scented epsom salts with herbs like calendula and lavender to assist with healing. 
• Sit and enjoy for 10 to 20 minutes. Read a book, catch up on email, message your friends…
• When finished, gently pat your vagina with a towel and allow yourself to air dry. Feel free to follow up with either an herbal perineal spray or a medicated spray.
• Dispose of the remaining water/salts, clean the sitz bath, and store for next time.
• You can take up to three sitz baths a day, and you will probably know and feel when the time is right to stop taking them (but anticipate around 2 to 4 weeks).

OK, so you completed step 1 and your vagina is no longer bleeding and in pain. You decide to finally grab a mirror to take a look and everything looks different. Where to go from here?

This is the fun part: getting to know your vagina again! It’s definitely a bit intimidating at first, because you’ve spent your life with your vagina and now she has changed. Maybe your clitoris is smaller or bigger or wider. Maybe you’re tighter than you were pre-pregnancy. I know it sounds crazy, but it can happen! In fact, it happened to me! My clitoris was smaller, and overall I was a bit tighter. 

It may be necessary to stretch and loosen things up. This is the time for you to treat yourself! Buy some intimacy toys (don’t forget lube!) and either explore alone or, when you are ready, with your partner. Start slow by using smaller sex toys and fingers for penetration. 

I had no idea what products I was looking for, so I took a quick trip to a local sex shop. I hadn’t visited a store like that in years, and was a bit embarrassed to do so. I was hoping I’d find another woman who could point me in the right direction, which is exactly what happened. The woman working at the shop was also a mom who had gone through this stage. She recommended some great products for my situation that ended up being very helpful and are still in rotation nine months later.

I walked away with three items:

1. Femme Funn Ultra Bullet Massager
2. ON Ice Arousal Gel
3. Pjur Water Based Nude Lubricant

If shopping in person feels overwhelming, you can find these — and literally hundreds of alternatives — online. But I highly recommend discussing your needs with another woman (a sex expert or even just an openminded friend), and hopefully they will be able to help guide you on your journey. Not sure where to start or still having pain/discomfort? Consider setting up an appointment with a pelvic floor therapist.

Once your vagina is stretched out and pain-free, and you and your partner decide you are both emotionally and physically ready to attempt sex, you’ll reach the trial and error period. Don’t assume sex will work out, and don’t set high expectations. Know it might be very silly, or sloppy, and it might not feel great. You might need to stop and resume it another day or another week or even another month. 

If it doesn’t work out, take some time off and revisit steps 1 and 2, then come back to step 3 when you both feel ready again. A partnership is much more than sex, and though sex can be great, it isn’t a requirement, especially at this early stage in parenthood. 

Be patient with yourselves and things will fall into place with time. Your new and beautiful vagina will thank you for it.