There are no words to describe how awful it is to lose a pregnancy at every stage. When you're done with the immediate things that need to be taken care of, here are some other tips to help you make it through.
1. To Share or Not to Share
Who should you tell that you're no longer pregnant? First and foremost, it often depends on how many people you told in the first place. Whomever was told, unfortunately, will have to be untold. I found the best way to do it was by email, so I did not have to relive the sadness each and every time I told someone. Also, I could address everything in that one missive, including saying what I needed (some time and space to recover) although everyone is different and some people need company and sympathy.
RELATED: 8 Things Not to Say to a Woman Who's Had a Miscarriage
If you haven't told many people about the pregnancy, you still might want to tell them about the loss (see above: sympathy) because for some, the more you talk about it, the easier it gets. I personally liked to keep my losses private until I could deal with my feelings.
That being said, there should be no shame involved. A miscarriage is nobody's fault. Share if you want to, keep it private if you don't, but have no self-loathing or blame.
2. Time Off to Recover
Because I was keeping the loss private, I decided to go to a family party that very weekend. Big Mistake. Trying to put on a happy face was way too hard. It might have been easier to claim the flu. I would recommend taking a few days off—of work, of your routine, of your social life. While some women want to jump back in and get busy to distract themselves from what happened, I'm more of a "deal with it now so it doesn't haunt you later," type of person.
Reach out to others in your situation, find support, and above all, treat yourself. I know women's magazines are always advocating this, but this is one situation that really calls for it: You have been through a lot, and so has your body. Do whatever you do to indulge or make yourself feel better. Now is the time.
Even if you think you won't be so sad or so sad for so long, the lows of a miscarriage are often physiological.
3. Hormonal Heavies
No one warned be about the hormonal upheavals that happen when you miscarry. First you get the happy hormones of pregnancy, then they are taken away—along with your baby. Even if you think you won't be so sad or so sad for so long, the lows of a miscarriage are often physiological. It takes a few months for everything to get in balance again, so beware of lingering malaise.
Speaking of lingering, no medical advisors told me about the weight gain from miscarriage, but I swear to you that I gained 5-10 lbs each time. Perhaps the HCG hormone in pregnancy, which is often used in the latest fad diet, contributes to the extra pounds of miscarriage.
RELATED: The Physical End of My Miscarriage
4. Starting Again
When's the right time to start trying to conceive again? Many health practitioners advise waiting a cycle, first to make sure you get your period back, second so that you'll know how to calculate when your next pregnancy began, if it happens right away. But others jump right back in. Perhaps not with an ovulation stick and basal cell thermometer, but you know, just in the bedroom.
Emotionally, the time to start again is when you're ready. Some women mourn their loss for a long time, and others feel the best way to get over it is to have a baby.
Just remember: there is no right way, only a right way for you.
