I'm well into the third trimester of this surrogacy pregnancy and many people have been asking me if I would consider doing another journey. And the truth is, as much as I've enjoyed this whole process, I definitely feel that this is it for me. I'm ready to retire my uterus.
When I first started considering this question, I went to my husband for his thoughts. His immediate response was, "No! This is the first and last time!" Since we're partners in life I had to respect his feelings and give them a lot of weight. You see, I'm not the only one in this journey. My husband has been my biggest support since the beginning. He's walked through this entire process with me.
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He's helped inject me with medications, driven me to doctor appointments, taken time off of work, cared for the children and house when I've been unable to and fulfilled my every food craving no matter what time or how ridiculous. He's really gone above and beyond my expectations. I know it hasn't been easy for him to have his wife pregnant with someone else's baby, but he has been a pillar of strength. I know he wants his wife back and I respect that.
I've been focused on having my own kids and now helping another couple grow their family. I'm ready to focus on myself and figure out what my personal goals in life are.
But even beyond that, I feel that I want myself back too. Thankfully this has been my easiest pregnancy yet. I haven't gained as much weight this time around, all my aches and pains are at a minimum, and I generally feel good most days. I'm glad I haven't had to deal with any complications, but I'm still pregnant. I'm still sharing my body with another living creature. I'm still feeling winded and tired and hormonal.
I'm ready to move on from the child-bearing years. Since 2010 I've had babies on the brain. I've been focused on having my own kids and now helping another couple grow their family. I'm ready to focus on myself and figure out what my personal goals in life are. What do I want to accomplish for myself? What career moves do I want to make? What is life like not being pregnant or caring for a baby? I think I'm ready to find out.
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So has this surrogacy journey been amazing and powerful? Definitely. Would a part of me want to do it again? Perhaps. But a bigger part of me is ready to stop making babies. I'm incredibly thankful that I was able to have this experience. It's shaped me and influenced me in ways I didn't imagine it would. I've learned a lot, met extraordinary people, and had many interesting conversations. It's been great, and as we get closer and closer to meeting this much-anticipated baby girl, I feel at peace.
I feel at peace that this was the right move for me at this time and that it's also the perfect time to say goodbye to the childbearing years.
Photograph by: Kristel Acevedo
