To some people, names don't matter much. But for some, naming their children is a really big deal. A mom on Reddit made the decision to change her daughter's middle name after coming to an important realization about her mother, whom her daughter shared a name with. Of course, being that it is her mother, she was concerned about the change, but ultimately had to do what felt right to her.
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In the post that has since been partially deleted, the woman said her mother was "depressed," "disengaged," and "distant" for most of her life. But she hoped that by giving her daughter her mother's name as a middle name it might make her be a more present and loving grandmother.
One day, the woman was gifted a DNA test and found out that the man she thought was her father was not. Of course, she decided to talk to her mom using a "gentle" approach, sharing that she thought she would be lifting a "huge weight" off her mom's shoulders since she had been keeping a 40-year secret. "She revealed she wasn't sure out of two men who it was (my father who raised me was deployed). There was no fighting. Or anything negative. I listened. And she stayed away even more," the woman explained. "Never asking how I was. Or if I needed to talk. Nothing. No one else in my family knows as I've kept close not wanting to hurt my dad. And it doesn't change who he is."
After undergoing therapy, the woman realized how "messed up" her mom is. "The fact that even seven miles away she only comes over if we ask her to babysit… Sometimes a month will pass without seeing her. She acts as if she doesn't care to mend the pain or repair or even be an active part of our life more than an occasional babysitter," she shared.
"Long story short, my daughter's middle name. I'm dropping off the document to start the name change tomorrow and am I being dramatic? We are starting school enrollments and I would like for it to be changed beforehand. I would never tell my mum. My daughter doesn't even know her middle name yet," the woman explained. "It's not to hurt my mother or get back at her. I honestly get sick to my stomach when I see the middle name. And I feel she is someone who doesn't deserve the legacy or honor of a namesake."
"Am I being dramatic for wanting to change her name when it was a mistake in the first place? After someone who just really wasn't that great of a person."
The comment section was full of people validating her choice.
"As someone who wishes her name had been changed at birth, DO IT. Your daughter will never know the difference, but the change will bring a positive change to your peace of mind. That is worth all the drama," one comment read.
"Not being dramatic. My middle name was my grandmothers name, and a nastier woman has never drawn breath. When I got married and changed my last name I changed my middle name too. That b—h is still alive, and I know she knows what I did," someone else said.
"When I realized I’d had enough of familial abuse – I changed my last name. Not to spite anyone – but carrying the energy of the family name really weighed on me. Your daughter is never going to miss it and your mom won’t even notice. But you will feel better."
