One mom's TikTok is going viral this week for sharing a pretty hot take on Mother's Day etiquette. According to TikTok user @sophiraft, women who are already mothers themselves shouldn't feel "obligated" to visit their own moms on Mother's Day. In fact, newly minted grandmas should more or less "step down" once they become grandparents, she says — so that new mothers can be given their time to shine.
The NYC mom first shared her hot take earlier this week
And while she fully admits this may be an "unpopular opinion," she goes ahead and says it anyway, with no regrets.
@sophiraft #mothersday #unpopularopinion ♬ original sound – SophiRaft
"Regarding Mother's Day, if you're a grandparent, you need to step down," @sophiraft declares.
At first listen, that may sound pretty cruel
After all, you don't cease being a mother the second your child wecomes their own kids into the world. If anything, it makes it all that much more joyful. But as @sophiraft explains, it's not quite as simple as that …
"If your daughter has babies, let her partner or the father of her kids spoil her for the day," she says in the clip. "And if your son has babies, let him spoil his wife or partner or mother of his kids that day. It is not about you anymore."
(OK, that still sounds pretty harsh, but bear with her for a second.)
That's not to say you should ignore your mom entirely, though
Far from it, in fact.
“You always should send, like, flowers or maybe make an effort to celebrate it on a different day,” Sophie says. “But, to somebody that has very young kids, and wants to finally get to enjoy Mother’s Day, it’s really frustrating to have to have all these obligations."
"So step down, grandmas," she says in conclusion. "It's time."
Since sharing her post, it's now been viewed thousands of times
And (surprise, surprise), it's also caused tons of people to weigh in on the comments section.
Naturally, a lot of people were offended by what Sophie had to say.
"Uh last time I checked Grandma's are also mothers," wrote one TikToker.
"The selfishness in this is overwhelming," added another.
"I totally disagree," wrote someone else. "It’s Mother’s Day, not wife’s day. You want to celebrate, wait until your kids can spoil you not your husband — we paid our dues!!!!"
In fact, a lot of people thought this mama was being unnecessarily harsh
"You must have a very unhappy relationship," one person wrote. "Someday you will be a mother-in-law and a grandma … "
"Nope don’t agree – sorry!" added someone else, who then told her point-blank she sounded "quite bitter."
But in response, Sophie defended herself in the comments.
"It’s bitter to want to stay home on Mothers Day and just be with my kids instead of running to multiple households?" she wrote. "Call me Bitter Betty!"
At the same time, she had plenty of supporters chiming in, too
And, based on many of their responses, it's clear that they too feel secretly burned out by all the running around that can happen on Mother's Day.
"Totally agree!!" wrote one mom. "I have a 2-year-old and it’s still me doing stuff for everyone else."
"Definitely not an unpopular opinion!" said someone else. "It’s a chore to have to properly dress, transport, and pry the kids back after the ordeal."
"Does ANYONE know how exhausting it is traveling from one place to another with babies?" another person wrote. "Don't shame us for wanting to stay home and be pampered."
Still, a lot of TikTokers just couldn't get past what seemed like anti-grandma talk
"No thanks!" wrote one mom. "We all celebrate every generation of mother in our family."
"This is just very American singular thinking," added another. "It is about community. All moms should be celebrated."
"I don't agree," said someone else. "My husband spoils his mother on Mother's Day and I love that about him."
For days now, moms have been going back and forth in the comments
And for every comment that shoots this mama down, there's another that seems to back her up.
"SMH ppl in this comment section," one person wrote. "What she means is Mother’s Day won’t revolve around the grandparents anymore. They will still be celebrated … "
However, in response, at least one person offered this sobering perspective: "I thought this way until I lost my mom — now I would give anything to spend the day with her!"
The bottom line here? If you ask us, it's to SPEND MOTHER'S DAY HOWEVER YOU WANT TO.
Insist on being alone to relax and catch up on sleep if you're feeling overwhelmed. Or, ask to have a low-key day with your kids (so long as your partner handles all the logistics). And if you're lucky enough to have a mother and/or MIL who are close by to celebrate, consider asking them to come over, too.
The day should really be whatever you want it to be — and for some of us, that may look different than it does for others.
