What to Know
When I was a single mom, I dreamed about finding a fellow single mom with similar energy to mine who I could create a life with. We would share a home, divide labor equally and be a support for each other and our kids. Honestly, even now that I’m married, I love the idea of living communally with my best mom friends, our wives and our kids. Bernie Sinclaire, a single mom living in New York City, has created the exact life that I’ve dreamed up. Sinclaire lives with her best friend and their three kids in what she calls a ‘Mommune’ — the communal home they’ve created that puts moms and their kids first.
Their life may be unconventional, but it’s working.
“Me and my best friend are two single moms; we live in New York City, and we raise our kids under one roof,” Sinclaire said in the video as she put up wallpaper.
“We decided since this was working so well for us when we started about two years ago that this wasn’t gonna be something temporary,” she explained. “It’s not that we’re waiting to find a boyfriend or a man or a traditional family. This is the kind of lifestyle that works for us. A women centered lifestyle in a home full of yoni symbols.”
According to Merriam-Webster, yoni is a Sanskrit symbol that represents female genitalia and the goddess Shakti.
People were immediately on board.
“This seems like the natural way things should be- a matriarchy,” one person wrote.
“Decenter men and begin building matriarchal communities,” someone else wrote. “Men have failed us. We need to stop competing with each other over spoiled goods.”
“I think that we’re gonna start to see a lot more of this, and I am so here for it. I love the idea of women coming together and supporting each other,” another person wrote.
One woman shared how Sinclaire’s setup mirrored her own childhood. “I grew up like this! My mom and her best friend lived together she had two kids and I was the only child. It was absolutely magical,” she wrote.
Sinclaire’s Mommune is a dream realized.
After her video went viral, Sinclaire spoke with Buzzfeed, telling them she had been dreaming up her current living situation since college. She studied human rights and lived in matriarchal societies in South America, and the idea stayed with her.
Sinclaire’s desire for a community for moms also comes from her watching her single mom struggle after her dad left the family.
“We moved to America, and it was an insulting experience how women in need were treated in my experience, and children in particular,” Sinclaire explained. “Poverty does not have to be a humiliation ritual. It’s okay to not be high income.”
Her current situation didn’t happen right away.
Sinclaire and her Mommune partner Anabelle went to grad school together and had lost touch. But then, as they were each “drowning in single motherhood,” they reconnected and realized they lived near each other. As they reconnected, their casual friendship turned into bringing their families together more often.
When Bernie asked Anabelle to move in at first, she wasn’t ready. Apparently, they both cried. But about two months later, she came around
“I didn’t think that I would have such a relaxing lifestyle with three kids,” Sinclaire said. “It’s such a nice feeling coming home, because everything is really functional, and like a well-oiled machine.”
She supports every woman’s decision to create a similar life for themselves.
As Sinclaire began sharing stories about her life, she was super aware of the women in her comments expressing their desire for the same thing. She is currently working on an app that will help those women connect and create their own communities. But as she gets it set up, she has suggestions for those who want to get a head start.
The most important thing is to start slowly building genuine friendships and connecting your families.
“I would recommend taking a weekend trip, start, you know, have dinner together. You know, not just one time, like, actually practice being together as a unit. Not all moms are the same — it’s human relationships, right?”
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