When I became a parent, there were phrases I thought I'd never utter. Some because they were far too cliché, and some because I didn’t know parenting would require so much absurdity to flow from my mouth. First, there are the overused sentences like, “…because I’m the parent.” When my parents busted out that classic, I always felt like it was devoid of any true explanation. I made a silent promise to my future kid I’d never use that one in my perfect parenting. I’ve totally broken that promise.
Then there are phrases I couldn’t have predicted would fly from my lips. The first time I said to my toddler, “Please don’t play with your poop,” I thought would be my last. It was not. Strange advice soars out of my mouth all in an effort to protect and explain.
I feel like I’ve truly been initiated into parenthood since I’ve dusted off these eight classic parenting phrases
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Because I said so The classic. It’s the not-so-secret end all be all of parenting phrases handed down from parenting generation to parenting generation. It stops an escalating conversation in its tracks and ends any possible kid bargaining tactics. Why? Because I said so.
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_What’s in your mouth? If I had a nickel for every time I said this when my kid was a toddler, I’d have a ton of nickels and they’d all be magically found in his mouth. The good news is this was just a phase and this sentence eventually fell by the wayside along with everything else my kid tried to eat.
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Can you put your clothes back on? I knew that babies were born naked, but I didn’t know they took every opportunity to stay that way. As my son became more mobile, there were times he’d arrive totally naked to lunchtimes, dinnertimes, and all the times. It was a fun surprise to see him show up in his Birthday Suit but more of a surprise trying to find out where his clothes were hidden.
If you say it enough times, will it happen?
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Do you ever sleep? The newborn phase, the toddler phase, the preschool phase, there hasn’t yet been a phase when I’ve not silently repeated this over-and-over as a secret request. For some strange reason, my appeal never worked. The repetition only made me fall asleep.
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Don’t play with your food I support my kid in any imaginative play idea he can devise, but when it came to creating mashed potato beards and string cheese hair extensions, I had to draw the line somewhere. Too much food play makes dinner appear inedible, and so my kid has definitely heard me voice this request as often as he makes mountains out of meatballs.
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Take your finger out of your nose I never knew how far a finger could fit up a child’s nose until I was seated with my son at a fancy family dinner. (That night he needed no appetizer.) Waiting for a tissue wasn’t always my kid’s thing — especially when he kept reassuring me his finger worked just fine.
Someday I'll come up with new material. For now, these old standards will do.
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Eat your vegetables It’s such a kid cliché that vegetables are avoided at all costs, but my kid avoids vegetables at all costs. Only with much coercing are tiny nibbles even taken. I’m hopeful I can stop pretending his carrot sticks are airplanes once he goes to college.
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Don't climb on the furniture While chairs, couches, and tiny footstools may look like an inviting kid-friendly playground, all this mom sees are injuries waiting to happen. Jumping and leaping on furniture can lead to serious bodily harm, which leads to me reminding my son (and husband) not to climb on it.
Occasionally, I’ve been surprised how perfect these old standards quickly fit the parenting bill, but I’d like to mix it up a bit. I’m still trying to find my way through this mom-ing gig and hopefully that means using phrases that are distinctly mine instead of borrowing ones that have been spoken since the dawn of time. This way I can truly explain to my kid the deeper meaning behind the situations at hand. Why? Because I said so.
