What to Delegate to Friends & Family as a New Mom

As a new mom, it’s likely you won’t be able to accomplish as much as you would like to between feeding, changing and cuddling with your tiny addition to the family. Although it’s sometimes difficult to ask for help, this is the time you need it the most. “A new mom’s ability to delegate or ask for help will increase her coping skill, reduce overwhelming feelings [and] anxiety and soften the transition to motherhood,” says Marva Caldwell, mother of two and licensed mental health counselor in Maitland, Fla.

So much planning goes into the birth of your baby, but a post-birth plan is just as important, says Caldwell. Begin by outlining tasks that will need to be completed with your spouse or partner, such as household cleaning, daily errands and baby care. “Your relationship with your spouse or partner is important, and communication will take a hit, and you may both face resenting one another if you don’t outline tasks and put supports in place,” she says.

Many new moms are offered assistance but turn these offers down in hopes of appearing to have it together. Put your pride aside and say "yes." Allow your neighbor to mow the lawn, your mother-in-law grocery shop and your sister to do laundry. Get comfortable with asking for help—most understand and have been in your shoes. “When asking for help, a new mom should know that it is OK to ask and that many times people want to help but don’t know how to,” says Caldwell.

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The first few weeks home with a baby may leave you feeling less energetic, but you still need to eat. Outsource mealtime preparation by organizing take-out menus with your spouse and calling in dinner for a few days. Before the baby arrives, send out an email to family and friends, asking for meal suggestions and assistance with preparation, too. “Food preparation takes up precious time, so having meals and snacks ready to heat and eat can be a lifesaver,” says Rhonda Richards-Smith, Los Angeles-based psychotherapist and mother of two.

In addition to outlining tasks and coordinating meals, create a calendar with weekly chores, errands and school activities that you can share with family members and friends, suggests Richards-Smith. Ask for volunteers to run older children to sporting events and practices, based on their availability. Add details about the new baby’s feeding and sleep schedule, too, so visitors can schedule time to cuddle with your bundle of joy while you rest a bit.

Instead of feeling that you are burdening others by asking for help with dishes, mopping and laundry, consider that by accepting their assistance, you are creating a space in which you are able to be a better mom to your child, Richards-Smith says. “Your child will directly benefit from a mom who is emotionally available and engaging,” she says. “Bringing your friends and family deeper into your circle also creates a supportive network for your baby.”

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When delegating tasks, it’s important to be specific. “Moms should tell other people specifically what they want them to do and avoid telling people what not to do,” says Carrie Krawiec, Troy, Michigan-based therapist and executive director of the Michigan Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. If a friend offers to help, let her know what is on your to-do list. Phrases such as "I’ve barely had the time to shower, let alone do the dishes or vacuum" help guide volunteers.

When asking for help, look at your friends and family members’ strengths and assign tasks that play up those strengths, says Krawiec. If your brother is handy with tools, ask him to help with household repairs. If your mother is an efficient organizer, point her to the pile of baby supplies piled in the corner. “When moms can delegate and accept help, this frees them up for the rest and self care they need to be ‘on’ with baby all those times that help is not available,” Krawiec adds.

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Ensuring you have sitters is crucial. Denverite Erin Barnes, a mother of a 5-month-old daughter, constantly had offers from friends and family members to baby-sit. She decided to create a list, and she emails or texts the group when she is in need. “That way, someone will only volunteer if it’s really convenient for them, and we don’t put them on the spot,” she says. “I think it’s vital not to burn out your friends and family since you are going to need a lot of help from them.”