Spring is here. That means the birds are chirping, parkas are being hung up and everything looks just a little brighter, which is exactly the problem. With the sun shining bright and those dull clouds hibernating for spring, it becomes pretty clear, pretty fast that my house needs a good spring clean. The problem is, I’d rather do just about anything other than clean.
Seriously, what’s worse than spending a Saturday cleaning rain stains off the window while everyone else in the family is chasing butterflies and playing baseball? Well, truthfully, a lot of things are worse and I’d rather do any of them than spend my time spring-cleaning.
Here are several things I'd rather do.
Look for parking at Trader Joe’s
Looking for parking at Trader Joe’s is an exercise in taking one’s life into their own hands. The spots aren’t wide enough for a car, someone always lets their cart loose, and somebody else invariably takes two spots. That’s still better than cleaning the gutters after a rainy winter, though.
Help with my kid’s science fair project
Parenting books should have an entire section called “How To Survive The Science Fair.” Your child — all children, really — will leave their project for the last minute and somehow it will be your fault. Expect WWE-style fights with your scientist, who will totally forget that you stayed up until midnight helping because they didn’t start until it was due. Still more fun than moving sweaters up a rickety attic ladder.
Go out to a 5-course meal with a colicky baby
All babies are precious and adorable, but once you're done, you can’t imagine returning to the land of up-all-night and "Mommy please hold me." Add to that a colicky baby who cries on command for three full hours straight, and you’ve got a baby whose presence is hard to endure. Yet, I'll still take sitting down to a 5-course meal with a cute little crier over cleaning the floor of a mudroom that’s covered in, well, mud.
Listen to my mother-in-law tell me what I could be doing better
I love parenting advice! OK, no I don’t. I especially don’t love it from my mother-in-law, who hasn’t raised a child in 40 years. Yet, I’ll take her “sunburns are good because they turn into a tan” advice over cleaning patio furniture covered in four months of dust any day.
Go to the opera
I’m totally convinced that no one really likes opera — they’re just too scared to admit it. So I’ll admit it: I can’t stand going to the opera and only like to go because I know I’ll get a good nap in. Otherwise, I’m just listening to screechy tunes in another language. And yet, I’d still rather see Die Fledermaus than reorganize my kid’s dressers so they can find their shorts and T-shirts again.
Breastfeed
Don’t @ me on this one, breastfeeding police. I’m not denying the merits of breastfeeding. I’m just saying it’s not exactly fun for some of us. And yet, still more fun than cleaning pine needles out of our gutters while carefully balancing on a ladder that probably can’t hold my weight.
Talk politics
If there’s one guaranteed way to kill a conversation, a dinner party, or a Facebook feed, bring up politics. It’s an endless, circular conversation that always has someone leaving in tears or deleting a friendship. But hey, I’d rather hear the details of one’s political beliefs than spend any March day deep in spring cleaning.
While I always say this is the year I’m going to recruit the family to help move their own winter wear upstairs or get one of the kids to help with those windows, I’m sure it’ll be just me, my tunes, and a huge vat of Windex. That’s OK. Someday, my kids will have homes of their own and then they’ll get to experience the joy of spring cleaning.
Even if they call me to help, I won’t be available — I’ll be busy looking for parking at Trader Joe’s or taking notes on my mother-in-law’s advice. Anything but cleaning baseboards and sorting sweaters. Anything but that.
