My chores have a way of multiplying. I keep waiting to feel that big rush of relief when I mark an item off my list, but it doesn’t happen. I’ve asked my husband if he was somehow secretly adding things to my list, but he just looked at me confused. In all fairness, he probably was lost. I’m not sure he’s ever seen an official to-do list.
As I gently explained to my partner why this never-ending list can make me feel overwhelmed, I watched his eyes glaze over. I get it. Talking about all the stuff mom-ing, wife-ing, and working entails brings on immediate feelings of overload. This is why I dream of the day when my husband develops magical mind-reading powers and offers to help without my asking.
In my dreams, these are the top seven things I’d love for him to jump in and do so I can finally shorten my list:
1. Cook family dinners
I’m convinced if my husband were making dinner, we’d all be eating a “healthy” array of toast, marshmallows, and last year's Halloween candy. So, this task falls to my prep skills, but how much more restful world my world would be if my husband stepped up and stepped into the kitchen.
2. Take over our kid's bath time
My 8-year-old and I have predictable evening banter that sounds a lot like me telling my kid it’s bath time and him telling me no. While I do love talking with my son about anything, I’d also love it if my husband gave me a break from this nighttime ritual. I certainly wouldn’t say no to some uninterrupted bath time.
3. Ask how I’m feeling, unprompted
My husband is a fabulous listener… when I ask him to lend an ear. Talking to my partner about what’s going on in life keeps me feeling connected to him. So, I dream of the day his mind-reading powers can read mine and know when I need a little spontaneous support.
4. Vacuum our home
He might be allergic to our vacuum cleaner or truly love the dust bunnies that share our space. I’m looking into it.
5. Offer to make our kid's school lunch
When my husband and I got married, we talked about the importance of being a team. I should have added the importance of making school lunches to those talks. After making over 800 school lunches (but who’s counting?), this star player wouldn’t mind being benched so her hubby can show off his food plating skills.
6. Check the family calendar
We have a calendar with events written down, but my husband prefers the calendar in my head. While my brain is certainly remarkable, this constant checking in with me and asking “What’s going on today?” strains my brain. Possible solution: Writing “check the calendar” on the calendar.
7. Offer to give me some downtime
In my dreams, my husband can look at my frazzled face and say, “Honey, I’ve got this. Take some time for yourself.” In real life, this “me time” must be organized, scheduled, and reminders must be sent out — because even though it’s on the calendar, you know it won’t be seen.
My husband is a pro at helping me out when I use my words and ask. I appreciate how he shows up when I need him, and after over 15 years of marriage, it seems this is how we roll. Even so, I dream of the day his magical mind-reading powers turn on and his help shows up instinctively. Until then I’ll just keep asking so resentments don’t build up and hope that my husband can learn to look at our calendar, because right now it reads: “Check the calendar and help wife with to-do list.”
Well, it’s a start.
