I don’t know about you, but I love sex. I need to have it with my partner on the regular in order to feel connected to him. Even when I think I’m not in the mood, I always feel better. When we go too long without having sex, I often get grouchy and irritable and don’t even realize why I’m feeling off.
The thing is, I love my sleep a little more than getting busy, and I need rest in order to feel mentally healthy. A lot of times what happens is if we wait until bedtime to get it on, I’m too tired, and we either don’t end up having it or it can feel like something we're doing because we think we should or because its been a while.
I’ve found this is our default time
When we crawl into bed at night after all the days’ chores are done, the kids are asleep, and we are both exhausted and barely have anything left.
Not to mention, my girlfriends and I talk about how our partners like to stay up later than we do. If that’s the case, you're either going to bed separately, or one of you is falling asleep on the sofa until the other one is ready to turn in for the night. I’m not one to be a go-getter in the sack if I wake up confused on the couch and have to make my way to bed and remember to brush my teeth, you know what I mean?
So I recently proposed something to my partner in order to keep our sex life alive:
No more waiting until bedtime to get frisky
I want to feel awake and like I have something more to give him than just being along for the ride. I was wondering if it would be a hard adjustment or if we’d have to do the thing where you schedule sex (which is fine but not very sexy IMHO), but to my surprise, it’s been so much easier than that.
This is what we’ve been doing:
Once we have privacy when the kids are in bed, we have our sexy time a few nights a week. Then, he can stay up as late as he wants, and I can fall asleep early if I want without feeling like I’m too groggy to really have a good time.
We’ve had sex early in the morning, we’ve had a quickie in the afternoon while the kids were busy, and we’ve even done it before heading to get take-out on date night. I mean, who has energy for sex after a big meal anyway? I want to undo my pants and drift off to sleep or relax and read after indulging in some of my favorite food.
There’s even been a few times when one of us has woken up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or get a drink, and we’ve had a nice romp at 1 a.m. before falling back to sleep.
This new strategy totally reignited our sex life
It made us feel more creative and conscious about when we were doing it. I love being able to enjoy getting close to my partner without feeling like I’m about to fall asleep. There’s something about having sex in the morning after a shower, and we all love an afternoon delight.
Of course, having sex when you crawl into bed is always an option, but on so many evenings we are spent and exhausted and ready to check out for the day, and getting intimate can fall to the bottom of the list quickly.
For me and my partner, all it took was a conversation that made us realize we were relying on bedtime to connect and we were too tired most of the time to make it count. For a lot of couples, getting enough sleep and enough sex has been the key to having a satisfying life and relationship, and this was the change that made all the difference for us.
