Darline Victor, 35, is a wife and working mom of a 2-year-old who is expecting her second child — all while navigating the pandemic in New York City. To say this past year has been a challenge for her is an understatement. Navigating the expectations she places on herself to be an amazing wife and mother, the expectations of her extended family, and a full-time career in management at a major hospital is not for the faint of heart.
Now that Darline is expecting a second boy in late November, she realized that “as I approach my third trimester, I absolutely need a 30-minute nap.” Darline and her husband juggle their demanding work schedules in New York City with as much support as they can ask for or pay for. Darline swears by her schedule. “I have to leave enough wiggle room in the day for mishaps or the days get much harder. I need a light schedule as often as possible."
Darline and her husband, Max, share a list for groceries and Amazon orders in the Reminders app on their phones. Every Wednesday at noon, Darline places the order for the items that are needed for the week. It's a known rule: Have your items on the list by Wednesday. And that's just one of the many ways this busy mama keeps it all together.
Here's a day in the life of Darline:
For Darline, it's important to make time for each member of her family. She devotes the evenings to her son and husband, keeping everyone on the same page and spending regular quality time. This may mean sometimes pushing her own bedtime.
"[Sometimes] I end up going to bed later to catch up with my hubby, because most days we’re like passing ships in the sea, so it's nice to make this time to catch up," she shares.
She also knows the importance of taking time out for herself and does so late at night, especially as she prepares for the second baby. "For example, last night I was on cooking duty, so after I cleaned up the kitchen, I was done task-wise for the night. I’m getting to that point where I need as much rest as possible, so I try not to add too much to my plate during this last trimester. So last night I lit some candles, took a long shower while listening to R & B, and put on my comfy pajamas before curling up with a book."
Doing it all, this busy soon-to-be mom of two knows, is a myth. "I think juggling it all is overrated. Prioritize what’s important and focus on that. And that will mean saying no to a lot of things. But you’ll be better off for it."
Darline is a big planner and thrives with a schedule, so she's working on keep her son's routine the same as they figure out how to create a new routine for the second baby. Her biggest goal is to work on her ability to be flexible in the weeks leading up to delivery, during the fourth trimester, and then returning back to work.
"It will require me to accept that the only constant thing during those few months will be change, and let’s just say predictability and I are best friends," Darline says.
Despite all the chaos of adding another member to her family, something tells us this mama will be just fine.
What areas of your life do you think need more balancing?
Prioritizing myself and understanding that it doesn't mean a grand gesture. Daily small acts of self-care matter too. I took 20 minutes to sit in a nearby garden and meditate. It was refreshing. And then I went about my to-do list. But taking those moments to sit in the sunlight, observe nature, and have a smooth voice reminding me that I matter, too, was really nice.
Are there certain things that you always do/think of vs. your partner?
I'm certainly the food person for our son. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner logistics are more my speed versus my partner's. I guess it helps me explore a creative outlet (cooking and trying new recipes) whereas my husband is a creature of habit when it comes to his meals.
If you could hire one person to help you with something, what would it be and why?
I would hire an organizer/sorter/planner to sort out baby clothes, shoes, toys, diapers, wipes, supplies, etc., and set them up in the most organized and logical way. The nice thing with two boys is you have hand-me-downs, but you actually need to know where these things are and organize them, so that they're easy to find for everyone. So the items need to be categorized by age, potentially by season, and rotated into the appropriate drawers so you're not sorting through 18 months clothing items when your kid is wearing 3T!
If you could give advice to a new mom, what would it be?
Prioritize yourself, your partner, and baby. The rest will fall into place.
