I recently had a Facebook memory come up in my feed from six years ago. It was a picture of me and two of my friends after my first spin class. I remember that day so clearly: My kids were with their father, and my anxiety was at an all-time high since my divorce. I was trying to find my way in the working world and stay busy while my kids were away.
My stomach often felt off, and I was having a hard time adjusting to my new life. That night, I felt really down but was glad my friends had invited me to do something to get me out of the house. I tried to have some meat and veggies an hour before class and remember scraping half my plate into the garbage as anxiety burned its way through my stomach.
I didn’t weigh myself then and I don’t weigh myself now, but at that time I do remember my clothes feeling loose and my kids telling me my “pants were too saggy.” Looking at the picture now, I see my forced smile and my drawn face.
People would say things like, “Oh, you must be working out hard, you are looking so slim.” But the truth was, I was stressing about trying to find my way after my divorce and I could barely stomach a full meal. There were days I was running from one place to the next as a solo parent. I took over all the jobs my ex-husband had done, and I was trying to earn a better living so we wouldn’t have to move out of my kids’ childhood home.
It wasn’t a revenge body or a sign I was living my best life. My saggy pants and thin face were outcomes from my sadness and worry. I wasn’t working out harder, following some new diet, or trying to lose any weight. I was hurting.
Six years later, my face is fuller. Those jeans that used to hang on me are long gone, and I happily bought bigger clothes. My eyes look brighter, and I'm no longer forcing a smile on my face. Even my hair and nails are healthier.
Please remember that when someone goes through a divorce, or any life change, their weight loss isn’t always about revenge or starting fresh.
My weight loss after my divorce wasn’t a product of my taking care of myself. I’ve gained it all back, but I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me in the least. I feel healthier, more confident, and damn it feels good to be able to eat an entire meal and sleep through the night.
