When I casually told my 4th grade daughter that I had ordered her younger sister a summer reading kit from Connection2Creativity, she insisted she wanted one as well — despite the fact she can read chapter books and her sister is in pre-K.
My oldest daughter insisted she didn’t care and wanted to keep reading pre-K books. And so began our daily battle — her desire to be a little kid again and my worry that she’s babyish. My real fear? She will be teased for being immature by her classmates, who have already moved on to TikTok dance videos, wearing shiny makeup, and playing more action-themed video games while she still plays with baby dolls and Play-Doh.
I was also a late bloomer growing up — quiet and socially awkward
Very awkward. And, yes, I was teased about it by classmates and fear my daughter will be teased as well. She’s tiny for her age and is already self-conscious about that, so I’m super protective of how other kids treat her. She’s gradually noticing other kids her age are outgrowing Build-a-Bear and LOL dolls, but she still takes beautiful and safe comfort in her world of picture books and pink dolls — toys her kid sister enjoys.
I know, this is a silly worry and that she’ll grow up emotionally when she’s ready. I know I should always just let her be. I definitely don’t want her to grow up too fast, but I already see her being slightly excluded by other girls due to her lack of knowledge about things that are trendy and cool. I know too well what it’s like to be viewed as babyish.
So I asked clinical psychologist and family expert Dr. Bethany Cook for some advice
She reminded me we all know adults who love Mickey Mouse, have Mickey memorabilia in their house and on their clothes, and go to Disney World frequently. They have “normal jobs,” interact in prosocial and typical ways, and no one questions their “cartoon passion,” right? Is it a bad thing if they’re super into Disney? Heck NO! So why am I worried about my kiddo’s adult social life?
According to Dr. Cook, maybe these younger toys physically “feel right” to my daughter, or she’s still trying to master something before she moves onto something more challenging. She pointed out that perhaps she clings to younger toys because the age of the children playing with them are less judgmental.
“Maybe she doesn’t know how to talk to kids her age and needs some help navigating — therapy is a good place to start to develop positive coping strategies,” Dr. Cook suggested.
I agree with Dr. Cook that I can strike a healthy balance between letting her have the toys she likes, and potentially offering a few that are a little more age-appropriate “but are still in line with what she already shows a preference for. Like get her an older-style play kitchen or have her start helping in the kitchen with [real] meals,” she said. Dr. Cook also reminded me not to “push or force” anything but make it “available” and nonjudgmental.
Ultimately, my daughter wants reassurance that she’s a good person no matter what her hobbies are
It’s my job as her mom to let her know I have her back no matter what — whether she’s into Avengers or Frozen. Besides, someday she will be 16 and hate me and I’ll miss the days I’m not appreciating as much as I should.
I have moments when I wish I was age 8 again, with no responsibilities. So how can I blame my kid for clinging to her childhood? I can’t. But I do know I’ll cry when I pack up her “baby” toys because it will be the end of an era for her. And that’s OK too.
