Soon it will be 2021 and we can all put this no good, very bad, horrible year behind us. I’d like to believe that we can reset time with the stroke of midnight on December 31, but I’ve been quarantined long enough to know that there is no quick fix to this mess we call 2020. Being the optimist I am though, I’m still putting my resolutions out into the universe.
I’m going to manifest the crap outta 2021 and you should, too. I mean, if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we’re at the bottom and it can only go up from here. Below are some inspirational New Year’s resolutions for anyone who has been surviving the pandemic.
Travel to the other side of the room
Baby steps, people. In the last 10 months, I have literally worked, loved, laughed, and cried in every square inch of this house. It’s time to repeat. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that my derriere has made a permanent dent in our sectional. Time to get up and check out the view from the other rooms.
Change my outfit
I’ve been living my best life in pajamas. I’m not joking. Pre-pandemic, I had a job where I worked in a school and I loved getting dressed up every day and seeing my students and faculty. I love fashion and, let me tell you, there’s nothing quite so ego boosting as walking into a classroom full of 5-year-olds and having them chant your name and tell you how cool your outfit is. But what began as working and living from home in yoga pants, T-shirts with cute sayings, and messy buns has now devolved into nighttime, daytime, and lounging pajamas. No need to worry about my sexy pajamas — they have no home here anymore. Starting January 1, I will put on real clothes with waistbands, buttons and zippers. I may even style my hair … maybe.
Explore the great outdoors
Fresh air in a pandemic is a hot commodity. There were no vacations this year. None. The furthest I traveled was three hours to see my mom after quarantining for months. It was once. The scenery needs to change. Let’s research some state parks and natural habitats and schedule appropriately. Even a walk in a different direction in your own neighborhood can help get same much-needed exercise and fresh air.
Discover the next great streaming service
I don’t know about you, but I’ve exhausted Netflix. If we’re being completely honest, I’ve exhausted most streaming services. I am currently plowing my way through Rakuten Viki. Sure, I don’t speak Mandarin, but I got an A+ in reading. The culture is sweet, the stories are PG and uplifting — what more does a mom in lockdown need?
Cut down screen time from 12 hours a day to 11
OK, show off, if you want to cut your screen time, go ahead. I’m not feeling that confident in my parenting these days so I won’t be doing anything so drastic. My girls are in school Zooming for seven hours a day. They use their computers to complete homework. In their free time, they are scrolling the ‘Gram, posting on TikTok or Snapping friends. This is the only peace I get in my house. Why would I take that away from them or me? In fact, my resolution is to get better at TikTok so I can join them.
Eat a vegetable
Vegetables just don’t make sense in a pandemic. They give no comfort whatsoever and they are not shelf stable. Plus, let’s be honest, they certainly do their part to move through that toilet paper stash you’ve been hoarding. While I love a good salad as much as anyone, it’s definitely not a top-of-the-list resolution for 20201 but, just for you, on January 1, I’m going to buy some avocados and cucumbers to put on my face.
Bathe more regularly
As the days have morphed into weeks and months, I have no clue what day it is and remembering what I last ate, let alone when I last showered and washed my hair, is a chore. So beginning on January 1, let’s all start marking our schedules and get regular teeth brushing and showering back in rotation.
Keep not shaving
Nobody’s going anywhere, so why bother shaving? I’m predicting that hairy everything will be making a comeback in 2021 because we’re all just too tired to give any effs about body hair. We’re just happy to be surviving.
Extend unending family time
Why not? Let’s just see how long we can all last before someone goes crazy and kills the rest of us. It’s like Jenga and Russian roulette had the worst family game night baby ever, and the stakes are high. Stay safe, my friends!
Eat my weight in carbs and drink it in wine
Because most of us won’t be getting vaccinated anytime soon, I’m resolving to continue eating carbs of the bread and alcohol kinds. I’m fully aware that it’s not healthy so, to that end and to not be a bad example to my ever-watching never-leaving daughters, I will also start working out again. It’s called balance.
Get matching family masks
We’ve already become the family who finishes one another’s thoughts via six degrees of separation, and we’re dressing alike thanks to the holidays and no place to go, so our next stop is matching velour tracksuits and masks. Why not?
Find a good therapist
If you’re not developing a healthy case of anger issues, agoraphobia and germaphobia with a side of alcoholism and OCD, are you even are you even experiencing the coronavirus pandemic?
Build an apocalypse bunker to save me from the zombies
After everything 2020 has thrown at us, I think it’s time to invest the entirety of my Home Depot credit into building an apocalypse bunker under the back shed and filling it with toilet paper, hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes, canned goods, and sharpened sticks to behead the COVID-19 zombies that are sure to reanimate this spring. I hope I’m joking but, as my mama told me, it’s better to be safe than sorry, so excuse me while I whittle myself some spears out of broomsticks.
Happiest 2021. See you on the other side, I hope.
