2020 was obviously an impactful year for all of us. A mixture of an international pandemic, social injustices hitting the main stage again, and the stress for mothers growing by the day has caused some moms to shift and pivot. Moms turned into greater do-it-alls overnight, from teachers to lunch ladies to Zoom experts all while managing their regular responsibilities — from home. After experiencing this for over a year now, it’s no wonder that moms may be thinking about parenting differently in 2021.
Our attitude toward being a mother is shaped by how we were raised, but we cannot help but look at the current state of events to make an impact on our children’s future. Moms naturally desire to do what is best for their children, and taking stock of how the world changes means we have to be ready to change at a moment’s notice.
With so much uncertainty in our daily lives, moms of all backgrounds and ethnicities are gearing up and having difficult conversations. Moms of Black sons are not new to this, so taking a look at how they approach their parenting styles can give some insight into the troubles that moms think about often.
We Express Ourselves
“Since becoming a mom of a Black son, there are a few things that have changed for me since 2020. More than ever, I want to protect his innocence. I want to protect how he sees the world and how society sees him. I’ve also noticed how society doesn’t allow for men to express their feelings in a healthy emotional way. I’ve changed the way my family and I approach each other’s feelings and encourage expression and how we view other’s emotions. Having a son, a Black son, has impacted my life for the better and I’m thankful for his life.”
Alicia Henderson, mom of 1 boy and 2 girls
Encourage Confidence and Being Proud
“Prior to 2020, we always made sure to uplift, empower, and instill confidence in our children.
After 2020, specifically after what happened with George Floyd, it became increasingly hard to tell them how proud they should be to be black when all they were inundated with was all of the killings of unarmed black people. I saw a need for us to have more conversations about race issues in America. My son had a hard time processing what happened with George Floyd, and that was difficult to see because I couldn’t take his feelings away from him.
In addition, I saw a need to have regular conversations about mental health and talking more about the things that bother or concern our children. It’s been a constant battle to find the balance between talking about hard topics and allowing them to just be kids. So we’re intentional about sharing more joy and the positive stories concerning young Black men that he can be inspired by.”
Christine St. Vil, mom of 1 boy and 2 girls
Have the Talk Early
“I’ve always known that the Black men in my life – dad, husband, sons, uncles, cousins and friends – we’re America’s target. We had the ‘comply with police’ talk with my now 14-year-old when he was 8. And it pains me to even think about having that talk with my now 2-year-old baby boy, but I know we’ll have to have it with him a lot sooner. America is a scary place, and if you’re Black, it doesn’t matter if you’re sleeping, serving your country (my husband is an Army Reservist), a law-abiding citizen, or a teenager walking home. God help us.”
Patrice Cameau, mom of 2 boys and 1 girl
Always Be Intentional
“The last year has definitely taught me to be more intentional with my kids since 2020. I realized how much I was rushing through life prior to the pandemic. Rushing to school. Rushing to events. I think that may have made them a little frazzled in the mornings. Now I’m much more deliberate about making eye contact with them when I speak to them and asking them more questions about how they feel. The pandemic was tough on all of us, and I tried to make sure I considered that they are real humans with real feelings, who take their emotional cues from Mommy and Daddy.”
Reiko Foster, mom of 1 boy and 1 girl
Honesty Is the Best Policy
“As the mom to multiple Black sons, I’ve changed a few things since 2020. For starters, I make sure to always tell them the positive in who they are and what they do, because the world won’t always do that for them and I want to. But I’ve also started to be more open and honest with them as well. Making sure to correct their bad habits and explain to them that the way they move is looked at differently than some of their friends. Honestly, if 2020 taught me anything, it’s to make sure we are hugging our families tighter and telling them every day just how much we love them.”
Erica Sullivan, mom of 3 boys
Make Them Better All Around
“One of the first things that came to mind for me was allowing my sons time and space to discuss their feelings. Life has slowed down and that has allowed us to talk through things more and allow them to voice concerns. Sometimes the questions are things that I do not know the answer to, I allow them to emote and get to know themselves. The second thing is to practice and teach boys self-care and community care. The third lesson is about consent and taking ownership of your actions. There are so many narratives about sexual abuse and sexual assault. I teach my boys consent very early, not just consent toward someone else, but consent for how others treat them. We have to talk about what we want for ourselves before we can invite other people to have a relationship.”
Tiffany Musa, mom of 3 boys and 2 girls
Change the Narrative
“I will say that – we’re having to have hard discussions about racial inequity, especially living in a predominantly white community, and with us not really having our children experience what others may be directly experiencing. This had made our son question why people can be hateful or ignorant.
Honestly, in the middle of 2020, when there was a big shift, we found ourselves trying to shelter or lessen exposure of the news and all the ‘bad’ that was happening to our Black and Brown counterparts. We felt that it was better for our kids to not have to experience that part of the world, when in fact, by us doing that, it was more harm than good. Not realizing how much exposure they already had with access to social media. No matter how many ‘blocks’ or limitations we placed on social media content on their phones or tablets, the ‘bad’ still made it in.
So, we changed the narrative, especially, with our older son. We made sure to share the ‘bad’ but explain the why, and how things could and should change. And all the amazing people who were fighting to make ‘good’ happen.”
Charissa White-Fulks, mom of 2 boys and 1 daughter
Use Creativity
“While my sons are young, I’m realizing that I can introduce the life lessons that I want to teach them in so many creative ways. Having them home with me allowed me to show them how to do things like explore all of their emotions, speak in full sentences to really express themselves, and not allow frustration to take over. These are all tools they will need if they come across an issue when I’m not there with them. I’m praying that everything I teach them will allow me to let go when they are older and not living at home with me.”
Chanel Shaw, mom of 2 boys
