Be mine
Oh baby
Hot stuff
Kiss me
Call me
You’re cute
As a little girl, I coveted the candy hearts that magically appeared in the aisles of Thrifty Drug every February — and, with luck, in my smartly decorated paper bag on whatever school day Valentine’s Day happened to fall. Back then, I suppose no one thought too much about what was stamped on those hearts. “Hot stuff”? What does that even mean to a first grader? “Call me”? As if.
Most kids, like me, were probably oblivious. But my kids? They’re pretty well-versed in things like consent, gender stereotypes, even the #metoo movement. They’re more likely to say “That’s so inappropriate” than “Ew, that’s gross” if someone were to give them a card that read “Kiss me.”
But, as a holiday, Valentine’s Day hasn’t quite evolved in step. So, what romance-free lessons do we have to teach our school-age kiddos?
It’s about giving
It’s good to give. By that, I mean giving is literally good for your body and mind. Giving — be it flowers, chocolates, or a homemade note — can make you happier, make you healthier, promote social connection, and evoke gratitude. Plus, it’s contagious, says science!
It’s about the art of giving compliments
“You’re cute” is kind of basic as far as compliments go, but it’s a start. Valentine’s Day cards — especially the handmade ones — are an opportunity for your child to think about that one thing they like about a classmate, and to tell them. What are they good at? Why are they friends? The more specific the compliment, the better.
It’s about effort
Yes, it can feel like yet another to-do, making (or even just signing) 30-plus cards for every classmate plus the teacher. It might take several days. Their hands might get tired. But there’s a lesson there: Most worthwhile things take a bit of effort. And it’s usually worth it.
It’s about inclusion
Everyone gets a card. Everyone gets a compliment. We are 100% no-child-left-behind when it comes to Valentine’s Day.
It’s about feelings
If, somehow, a child — even your own child — is left out of Valentine’s Day, or sees that some kids get more cards than others, it’s an opportunity to talk about all the complicated feelings that arise in moments like these.
It’s about expanding the definition of love
Romantic love is a big part of Valentine’s Day, sure — but it’s not the only part. “It’s liberating to expand the notion of sparkly heart love to include everyone you like,” wrote David Minerva Clover, who hated Valentine’s Day before having kids of his own. “Kids’ Valentine’s Day is about being loving in general.”
It’s about self-love
Mom Ashlee Peters uses Valentine’s Day as a reason to teach her school-age kids about self-love. “The first week of February, I grab cut-out hearts from the dollar bins at Target and I have them write things they love about themselves,” Peters wrote. “Then we hang them up in the hallway next to their bedrooms so they see them each day. It’s a simple exercise that has brought so much value to our family.”
It’s about the puns
Next to the candy hearts — which, let’s be honest, are better in theory than in practice — my second-most favorite thing about Valentine’s Day are the endless puns. “You’re one in a melon,” reads one card, with a watermelon. “You are purrrfect,” says the one with a cat on it. “I know it’s corny, but …” reads the one with the ear of corn, “you are a-maize-ing.” Sure, you can read some kind of romance into them, if that’s your jam, but from a kid’s-eye view, they’re all jokes. This is all for laughs. And that’s the kind of social currency that goes far in third grade.
It’s about giving them what they really want
Candy. Chocolate. In fact, a Hershey’s Kiss is probably the only kiss they’re interested in at this age, anyway.
