Before we had kids, it was all about us. It was super fun a lot of the time. We didn't realize how carefree and rested we were. We could run out for an impromptu date, go to the grocery store when we were craving something, and even take vacations. We had the luxury of being wrapped up in each other. It was pretty great, but things evolve and change — they have to when you have kids.
I'm so glad that we waited to have kids, and our marriage is stronger for it. I'll cherish the time we had when we could talk to each other without interruption. When we didn't have kids yelling over us. Life was not as stressful. We didn't have to break up fights and drink loads of caffeine. We had more time to connect.
And believe me, I do hear you when you tell me that you miss me and that you want our son to stop nursing. I hear you, but there's so much I have to do. So many directions that I'm pulled in that it's so hard to satisfy everyone. You often get moved down on the priority list, and I'm sorry for that.
You're the quietest one and the one who's easiest to ignore when the kids demand more
More of my time. More of my sanity. More of my energy.
Although it may feel like I ignore you, that's not my intent. Even five years into this journey with kids, I’m sorry to say that I’m still trying to figure out how to balance it all. It never seems like there’s enough time for everything. The kids are constantly changing, and it makes me dizzy trying to keep up.
Besides the lack of time, I'm honestly so tired
The toddler needs milk and cuddles. The big one needs to feel validated and loved and learn to read. I try to do everything for everyone. My body and mind are worn out by the time you get home. I often want to sleep but am pulled in yet another direction by my own ambition and passion.
When the kids are asleep, it's the only time I get to myself. That's the time I have for me to write. Now that they’re bigger, I have found writing again. It is so much a part of me that I can't give it up. I need it daily, even if just for a few minutes. I don't want to just kill time and watch a movie every day, only some days. I need to use my time as efficiently as I can.
I swear I'm not ignoring you
I just have so much to do. So much to be. I may not be able to fit in quality time with you as much as we used to, but I try whenever I can. I know it's not as often as you’d like, but there's just not enough time for anything right now. Life with young kids is chaotic, but it's also joyful and fun. Embrace the chaos with me while they're young, and we'll go back to having quality time together sooner than we realize.
We're in the thick of this crazy parenting thing now, but someday we'll miss how intensely they wanted to tell us something or just cuddle us. Someday, we'll both feel ignored by them and that's not a day I want to rush toward just yet, so please try to be patient. We'll come out of it in stages because that's just how it has to be. I promise.
