My husband is pretty great.
I often tell him, “I would never trade you!” And it’s the truth, I wouldn’t. But he does have some, well, less-than-desirable traits. And habits. And tendencies.
I mean, he’s human after all. But man, after 13 years, you’d think: 1) I’d be used to it, or 2) He’d have learned to eliminate the worst of the worst.
I’ve attempted to train him to stop the most annoying things, but apparently some are just hardwired. Oh, husbands. We hate to love ya, and we love to hate ya.
Honestly, the feelings are probably mutual. I’m no angel. But just for kicks, let’s review the 10 things I hate about you — my dear, annoying husband.
You leave your socks everywhere
A hundred times I’ve asked you to put your socks in the laundry. But, alas, from where I type, I can see two sets of discarded, stinky socks. They go on feet, but I assure you, they do not walk themselves to the washing machine.
You complain about veggies
Now, I’m not the queen of perfect nutrition, but I do aim to serve up a balanced meal more often than not. Then you go and complain about the veggies – IN FRONT OF THE KIDS – and before I know it, no one will even take a bite of the truly delicious roasted carrots and parsnips I slaved over.
You spend way too much time in the bathroom
Not getting ready, not showering and shaving, but pooping! Do you really like lounging in that aroma? I know you’re scrolling Instagram, you social media junkie! Can’t fool me.
You’re plain ol’ messy
Speaking of shaving, have you ever considered wiping all those little hairs down the sink? Please and thank you.
You don’t know your way around a grocery store
Asking you to stop for an ingredient or two sends you into full-on panic mode. Is it really that hard to read the signs at the end of each aisle? Or, gasp, ask for directions?
You have no fashion sense
You judge my giant summer hats and fashion-forward jumpsuits, but you’re still wearing the same golf tees and cargo pants you did a decade ago. Honey, repeat after me, “Babe, you look great!”
You fake-sleep on the weekends
I know you hear the toddler waking up on Saturday mornings. He’s even yelling, “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” But you’re like a rock. A big, fake sleeping rock. Please, please get up with him. Please?!? The fake-sleeping is driving me bonkers.
You’re too calm
When I’m at my wit’s end after a long day with our crew, I really don’t need a voice of reason. A hug, yes. A cup of coffee and a cookie? Absolutely. Some time alone? That’s the ticket.
You have the worst parenting jokes
After four kids, no one believes that you don’t know how to change a diaper. Find a new go-to.
You’ve taught our boys some gross things
For years I’ve called farts “toots” and prompted the boys to say, “Excuse me.” All of a sudden they’re cheering for one another’s farts and having contests over who can burp the loudest. I can’t even.
Before you all think we’re on the brink of divorce, let me assure you that I definitely tolerate all of these annoyances. Really, most of them are laughable, and on a daily basis I just shake my head and roll my eyes. Overall, my hubs is a total keeper — even if I borderline hate a thing or two he does on the regular.
Such is marriage, folks.
