Team meeting tonight at 8:00 p.m. sharp.
One might think that an announcement like that was an email sent to some sort of shift employees ready to begin their night shift at a hospital or warehouse.
In reality, it was a text from me to my husband.
Yes, we have "business meetings"
Sometimes they're scheduled, sometimes they're spontaneous, but I can tell you, they have saved our marriage.
A few years ago it seemed that my hubby and I were constantly on each other’s nerves. It felt like we were fellow employees working separately at a common goal of keeping our kids fed and clean, making sure bills got paid, and ultimately keeping our family running smoothly.
The problem was, we weren't connected. We were constantly annoyed with the other person and having disagreements frequently.
Finally, during one late-night emotional discussion, we spilled our guts about how disconnected we both felt. We realized that our disagreements were usually not about big stuff, just little misunderstandings that could have been avoided if only we’d taken the time to discuss things ahead of time.
While a lot of things were said in that heated and frustrating discussion, we left feeling exhausted but closer than we had in a long time. Why? Because we were finally on the same page.
Being parents to two young kids, our time alone is fleeting
Between school, quick dinners before soccer, work, and deadlines, there never just happens to be an opportunity for us to have adult discussions. We decided then and there that in order to help fix this, we would have to intentionally set times to talk.
Currently we have our “business meeting” on Saturday nights, after the kids go to bed. We have a few items on the agenda and usually finish up in about 30 minutes with enough time to watch our current show obsession or get some quality cuddle time before we go to sleep.
Here’s how we run our “meetings”:
Check in
We always start by just doing a quick check on each other. How are we each doing emotionally? Physically? Are either of us feeling more overwhelmed than usual? Does one of us feel like we’re coming down with a cold? What is the state of our union?
Needs
This part is important. While we each might hope that merely sharing that we have a sore throat would result in the other picking up the slack, this is where misunderstandings happen, feelings get hurt, and people get pissed. Maybe I need to stay up late and write one evening and could use an extra hour of sleep the next morning. Can he make sure to get up with the kids and cover breakfast? Maybe he has a football game he’d like to watch without the distractions offered by our children. Could I choose that time to take the kids to the park? Specifically explaining the support that we need and what it looks like helps avoid frustration later.
Calendar and logistics
We go over our calendar and what obligations are musts. Who needs to take one kid to practice while the other stops at the store? One of us has a late meeting on Thursday and dinner will be late. After the musts have been covered, we add any optional/more flexible calendar items, like a happy hour with the girls, grandparents who want to stop by sometime this week, or a round of golf that would be nice to fit in if possible.
Sex
Yes, we schedule it. Say what you will, but right now, for us, scheduling sex is the only way to ensure that we make it a priority. We are busy, tired working parents juggling more than we probably should, and sex just doesn’t happen spontaneously very often. After getting our calendar figured out, we pencil in a couple of romps at times that make sense. (Often right after our meeting feels like the perfect opportunity.)
Now, did I ever think that I’d be having business meetings with my husband?
No.
To some it might seem that we've reached a point in our relationship where we’re more like business partners and all the spontaneity is gone. And maybe they’re right.
All I can say is that these weekly check-ins have been a marriage saver. We both leave our meetings feeling like we're on the same page, connected, heard, and supported. After all, marriage and having a family is a bit of a business — finances are key, job descriptions are unnegotiable, and logistics are vital. So, being deliberate about a time to nail down that week’s business plan just makes sense.
Now, excuse me while I slide into bed next to my business partner. We’ve got sex scheduled in six minutes and I don’t want to be late.
