For generations, parenting advice has often been passed down in the form of quick, memorable sayings: Don’t cry over spilled milk. Hold your horses. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
But what if those phrases, while well-intentioned, don’t always meet kids where they are emotionally?
That’s exactly what Barbara “Babs” Costello, known to millions as “America’s favorite grandma,” set out to explore in her new children’s book, Did Your Mother Ever Tell You? Drawing on her background as a longtime educator, mom of four, and grandmother of nine, Costello is reimagining those familiar sayings through a more modern, empathetic lens, one that validates kids’ feelings while still guiding their growth.
In a recent episode of The Breakdown with Bethany, Costello opened up about the power of language in parenting, why emotional connection matters more than ever, and how small shifts in how we speak to kids can have a lasting impact.
Why classic “mom sayings” needed a modern update
Costello says the inspiration for the book came from a phrase she often uses with her audience: “Did your mother ever tell you?” a line that instantly resonates across generations.
“The highest compliment I think somebody can give you is that you remind them of their mom,” she shared.
But instead of simply repeating the sayings many of us grew up with, she chose to rethink them from a child’s perspective.
Take “Don’t cry over spilled milk.” In her version, the message shifts: it’s okay to feel upset when things go wrong.
“Everybody feels sad when they make a mistake, or things don’t go their way,” she explained, emphasizing that acknowledging emotions is the first step toward helping kids process them.
From there, the book gently guides children toward more regulated responses, creating space for both validation and growth.
How language shapes emotionally confident kids
For today’s parents, raising emotionally aware children is often top of mind, and Costello believes language plays a bigger role than we may realize.
“In a child’s world, nothing is small. Everything is big,” she said.
That perspective shift is key. Rather than minimizing feelings, Costello encourages parents to first acknowledge what their child is experiencing, then guide them toward resilience, patience, or kindness.
It’s a balance many parents are striving for right now: supporting emotional expression without losing structure or boundaries.
What today’s parents are craving most
As a grandmother of nine spanning multiple generations, Costello has a unique vantage point, and she sees a clear theme among today’s parents: the desire for a slower, more intentional family life.
“I think they’re craving some peace… just slow everything down,” she said.
Between packed schedules, extracurricular overload, and constant digital noise, many families feel stretched thin. Costello suggests that simplifying, whether that’s limiting activities or protecting time at home, can make a meaningful difference.
Why shared reading still matters
In a world dominated by screens, Costello is also a strong advocate for something much simpler: reading together.
“You sit there on a sofa and you cuddle and you connect… it’s something real,” she said.
Beyond literacy benefits, shared reading creates opportunities for conversation, emotional connection, and even humor, especially with books like hers that invite kids to react, question, and engage.
The parenting advice she wants every parent to hear
If there’s one message Costello hopes parents walk away with, it’s this: you’re doing better than you think.
“You are doing a tremendous job,” she said. “You’re on the front lines… nurturing them and forming them in the ways that you want them to be.”
Her advice for navigating today’s challenges, from screen time to outside influences, is rooted in something simple but powerful: connection.
Create a strong family foundation. Be present. Make space for conversation, especially during everyday moments like family meals.
“That’s where so many issues can be aired out and connected,” she said of the dinner table.
At its core, Costello’s message isn’t about getting parenting “perfect.” It’s about showing up with warmth, intention, and a willingness to grow alongside your kids.
And sometimes, that starts with something as small and powerful as choosing your words a little differently.
