Those magazines I used to buy at the grocery store were fond of telling me that my marital relationship was always changing. Along with letting me know I didn’t own the right size bra, this news about my relationship freaked me out. I was worried my husband and I might grow and change ourselves right out of our marriage.
I was surprised to discover that those shiny magazines weren’t totally wrong about my marriage or bra buying. Through the years, both of us have changed. This year, however, that awareness definitely made it to the forefront. I’ve spent more time with my husband over the past 12 months than I have in the entire 17 years we’ve been married. With all this time together, I’ve been able to check out some of his traits more deeply, and now that they’ve been learned, I simply can’t unlearn them.
1. He can’t find anything
When we were first married, we decided everything together. The placement of our couch, and location of the milk in the refrigerator was a team effort. Not long after, my husband could only remember the location of the couch. The position of the milk, eggs, and the food in the fridge constantly eludes him. We basically haven’t left the house for a year, and I still hear, “Honey, have you seen the milk?” Remembering the placement of household items (like food) isn’t his strong suit — only the eating part.
2. He’s the fun parent
Our roles over the past months are clear: I’m great at keeping the schedule and helping my kid work through all the emotions, and my husband is fun. He plays, he jokes, he can even make eating Brussels sprouts all sorts of awesome. I never fully appreciated this gift that delays bath and bedtimes until this year — a year when a little fun goes a very long way.
3. He's time-challenged
I thought with our school activity and social calendar wide open, my husband would finally be able to improve his time management skills. Nope. Handling bedtimes, school Zoom times, and feeding times are challenging for my “always in the moment” partner. I can see now that no amount of me asking him to help our son with his “how to tell time” homework will help my husband manage his own time-telling abilities.
4. He keeps me laughing
My day can go from fine to stressful in the time it takes for me to say “goldfish crackers” and yet my husband can still make me laugh. He’s able to find the humor in the stress. This magical trait keeps me grounded and looking on the bright side when life becomes a little darker.
5. We make a good team
There have been times in our marriage when I’ve felt more like the head coach to my husband’s MVP status. I wasn’t sure we were always on equal footing, but now I get that where I’m lacking (let’s say in the goofiness department) he absolutely shows up. We go together like eggs and vegetarian bacon and complement each other’s shortcomings. That’s some good teamwork.
6. He (really) loves his family
Whether it's cleaning up cat vomit or kid vomit, my guy is there with the paper towels and sanitizer. He’s ready to leap tall buildings (or at least a tall Lego-sized building) in a single bound when we call for his help or guidance. He may not always be on time, but I know he’s there when we need him.
7. He still likes us
After 17 years of marriage, my partner isn’t bored. These days all of our alone time happens after the kid is asleep or in stolen moments during the day. He still looks for a time to connect with a look, a quick hug, or a long conversation.
He’s a keeper.
My husband and I may have changed over the years, but I can see now that my fear was misplaced. This doesn’t automatically mean we change ourselves out of our partnership and away from one another. Growth can lead to a greater understanding and even bring your coupledom closer together — and I’m so glad I can’t unlearn that one.
