It's Girl Scout Cookie month. Little did we know, back when we were selling Tagalongs and Juliettes door to door, that one day we would ourselves become the moms on the other side—wild-eyed and practically drooling as they scanned our catalog and used our pen to tick off the boxes next to their favorite treat.
Times have changed—you can now download a Girl Scout Cookie finder app on to your iPad; girls can set their cookie goals, manage their inventory and learn Internet safety skills with a Digital Cookie platform—but the lure of a gooey-sweet Samoa or stick-to-the-roof-of-your-mouth Tagalong remains the same.
In a dream world, Thin Mints would count as health food and Pilates instructors would recommend Do-Si-Dos for killer abs. Until that happens, here are some pie-in-the-sky white lies you can tell yourself about how Girl Scouts' current offerings.
(We don't need justification to eat a cookie, of course. As Joyce Meyer told us, "Eat the Cookie … Buy the Shoes." But, just in case you're the kind of person who needs a little encouragement, read on.)
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1. Thin Mints
Four Thin Mints deliver 6 percent of your daily iron needs. You've been tired lately; you're probably anemic. You need iron.
2. Samoas
Samoas contain toasted coconut. Coconut is a superfood. Therefore, Samoas are superfoods. Also, if you chew your cookie very well and then swish the resulting mixture around your mouth, it counts as oil pulling and could theoretically help prevent cavities.
3. Cranberry Citrus Crisps
It doesn't exactly burn when you pee, but you have been going to the bathroom a smidge more frequently than usual. It's probably a UTI. Quick—eat three of these.
4. Peanut Butter Patties
Two of these babies pack 2 grams of protein, which means a sleeve of them has as much protein as a skinless chicken breast, so they're basically a Paleo-friendly health food.
5. Rah-Rah Raisins
These bad boys are studded with Greek yogurt-flavored chunks. And Greek yogurt solves every health problem under the sun.
6. Toffe-tastics
Toffee-tastics are gluten-free. Anything that's gluten-free is good for you, right? Eating these will basically make your stomach feel better, whether you have Celiac disease or not.
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7. Thanks-a-lots
Research proves that showing gratitude in life conveys a host of health benefits, from reduced blood pressure to a longer lifespan. Eat lots of these cookies and you will live to be 100.
