It’s tough enough making nice with the moms who parade around soccer practice judging your sneakers. Then you show up with the love of your life — who happens to be a woman — and inevitably someone will hit you with the most irritating question they have always wanted to ask a gay person.
She's not doing it to belittle you — she really is curious. But it’s annoying. If you see me standing alone, cooling off in the shade, please don’t work up the nerve to walk over and whisper these things.
'I like Ellen DeGeneres. She’s funny.'
Everyone loves Ellen. What’s your point? Are you trying to prove that you’re open-minded?
Try instead: I'd love to invite you and your son to a playdate with us. How's Tuesday?
'How did you get pregnant?'
Were you paying attention in sex ed at all? Oh, you want the details so you can use me as a reference the next time the subject of homosexual parenting comes up. How about this: We inherited the baby along with our house. True story, bro.
Try instead: I know it's none of my business, but I'm really just curious because there are so many rumors out there as to how two women can start a family. Would you mind sharing your story with me?
'Your "friend" is really pretty'
Hold up. Why do you have a husband, but I have a "friend"? And actually, she's my wife.
Try instead: You have great taste in women.
'What do your kids call you?'
Sigh. No. Just no.
Try instead: Is it rude of me to ask you about how gender roles play out in your home? I've always wondered about it, and you're the first person I feel comfortable enough to ask.
'Don’t you think your son will end up a bit confused because of this whole thing?'
My child has two parents who love him very much. What is confusing is the fact that you care so much about a household that is not your own.
Try instead: I haven't had much exposure to homosexual relationships, so I'm a bit confused. Do you think your child will be, too?
'What do you two do in bed?'
(Side eye) Ohhhhhh! I get it. You want me to show you. Just come on out of the closet, already.
Try instead: Nothing. Don't say it. Would you say it to a heterosexual mom?
'Which one of you is the dad?'
You do know we're both women, right?
Try instead: Do you find yourself falling into traditional roles?
'Why can’t you just date and not live together and leave the kids out of the situation?'
You know, for their sake.
You would really prefer for our child to have a single parent home just to make you more comfortable? Wow. I see — this is really all about you.
Try instead: (There is no way to say this without being offensive. So just don't.)
