First it was the house dress—the outfit of choice for slatternly mothers. Then came sweatpants, yoga pants, jeggings and now, mothers and seekers of comfort, let me introduce to you the jumpsuit.
The jumpsuit, at first glance, might not fit your ideal for the perfect mom outfit. How do you pee in it? How do you get inside? Will I look like an Oompa Loompa? Are all fair and valid questions. But remember, when the jegging first came out, everyone was all, "I won't wear that, it's too tight!" But then slowly, we all realized, hey, tight clothing can be comfy especially when paired with stretchy forgiving fabric and elastic waist bands. What I'm saying is, all you jegging deniers were wrong. And you jumpsuit critics? Well, you'll be eating your words as you stock up on jumpsuits on Old Navy clearance for next season.
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The argument for the jumpsuit is three-fold:
1. It's an all-in-one outfit
You put it on. You put on shoes. Done. You don't have to match. You don't have to worry about whether your favorite top is clean enough to wear with your pants. It's like a dress, but you don't have to worry about showing off your legs. (Unless you want to, because there are jumpsuits with shorts.)
The joke is on them because I have pockets and I didn't shower. Boom.
2. The jumpsuit is a forgiving outfit
The jumpsuit forgives almost more than our Lord. The stretchy waistband hits a good spot. The flowy fabric that almost all jumpsuits are made out of is kind to those beautiful lumpy bits we all have. It's like the theological concept of grace, but in the form of an outfit you can buy at Target.
3. Pockets
I have bought five jumpsuits all from various locations and they have all had pockets. Maybe this was a fluke, maybe not. But pockets, it seems, are standard, or at least, very common among popular jumpsuit models. And they are the nice pockets too, not like the token pockets that most women's jeans have. You know what I mean, those pockets where you go, "Oh, pockets" but you can't even fit your phone in there. So you know that whoever designed them was some guy who thinks women don't need as much room as men and probably manspreads on airplanes. Well, whoever designed this crop of jumpsuits knows better. You can fit a lot in there. Use them. Enjoy them.
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Many of you are still held back by the whole, "Do I have to take the whole thing off to pee?" question and yes, OK. You have to flash some bra to pee. But who cares? If your kids are like mine they are constantly pulling down your clothes and asking, "Where is mommy's penis?" You have no privacy. Lean into it in comfort with a jumpsuit.
Another criticism I get of the jumpsuit is that you might look like you are in a steel workers union, which so what? Unions are great. More unions. But also, you don't look like it. Jumpsuits are amazing. Whenever I wear one, other moms raise their eyebrows and say, "Why are you so fancy?!" It's a common refrain among us yoga pants clad masses whenever another one tries to rise too far above her uterus-determined station. But the joke is on them because I have pockets and I didn't shower. Boom.
Jumpsuit: Look fancy. Have pockets. Don't shower.
Embrace the jumpsuit as the new mom uniform of a whole new generation.
