Adoption stories run the gamut when it comes to different families. Some of them start with rotted, painfully tangled roots, while others grow and flourish easily. But the truth is, unless you've gone through is, there can be alot of misconceptions about the process overall.
We debunked some common myths to help set the record straight on adopting.
There Are No Babies
There are more than 117,000 children in the foster care system waiting to be adopted into permanent homes. There are also thousands who would like to become parents but cannot conceive a child biologically. Persistent myths may be keeping some hopeful families from forming a family through adoption. Let's clear some of those up.
Some people believe that there are no babies in need of adoption. Of the 70,000 adoptions that happen in the U.S. every year, around 18,000 are infants.
Kids From Abroad Are Broken
It is also a myth that children adopted from abroad are all disabled or emotionally disturbed. Though fewer completely healthy babies and toddlers are available for international adoption, many of the children who can be adopted from abroad have minor, correctable health issues.
It Takes Years
Sure, some adoptions can take years. But many happen in a matter of months, from the first filing of paperwork to the day a child is brought home.
It's Expensive
Adoptions also don't cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is a huge myth about the process. A foster adoption can cost as little as $0 after grants or reimbursements. Non-foster adoption processes might be more in line with the cost of a modestly priced car.
You Must Be Perfect
You don't have to fit a certain mold to pursue family through adoption. For example, disabled parents-to-be can adopt.
You Have to Be Young
Older parents, all the way up to 60, can also start or broaden their families through adoption.
You Can't Be Gay
Gay couples in any state can petition for joint adoption, though some may have to prove they are in a legally recognized relationship. Some states explicitly allow same-sex couples to petition for adoption.
You Have to Be Married
You don't have to be married or in a legally recognized relationship of any kind to create your family through adoption. However, some adoption agencies may require a minimum number of years married for couples wishing to adopt. Or they might want to know why a couple looking to adopt together haven't married.
You Must Own a House
You also don't have to be wealthy or own a house to petition for adoption. As long as your housing is stable and can accommodate a child, housing will not be a barrier for you to adopt.
Adoptees Are Stolen
Though some international agencies have been found to be running fraudulent adoption networks, it is a myth that most adoptees were stolen from their parents and put up for adoption for profit.
All Birth Moms Are Teens
Sure, there are girls who give birth and put the babies up for adoption. But birth mothers' ages range from teens to women in their 30s.
Birth Parents Will Take Back the Child
Before an adoption can be finalized, the birth mother has a certain period of time during which she can change her mind. But once this revocation period has passed and the birth is finalized, the child is not at risk for being taken away.
Adoptions End in Sadness
If you believe the Lifetime movies, all adoptions end in tears and heartbreak. The truth of the matter is, adoption is creating a family and the vast majority end in happiness. And probably ice cream.
Adoptees Are Troubled
Though some adoptees have indeed suffered trauma, children who are adopted are not necessarily destined to become troubled toddlers and teens with attachment disorders. Adoptees are people. Sometimes they wake up grumpy. Sometimes they melt down when they're tired. Every tear of an adoptee isn't evidence of trauma.
Wanting Infants Is Selfish
Hopeful parents looking to adopt an infant are often scolded for not looking for older children in the foster system. There are many ways to become a family, including adopting a newborn baby.
Transracial Families Are Complicated
Transracial adoptions have specific considerations and challenges for families, but, as with homogenous families, if problems and challenges are recognized and dealt with, the family emerges strong and healthy.
Only Search Locally
Adoptive parents might look into adopting a child locally. But, depending on population, they might have to wait longer than on a national adoption. One way is not more engaged or moral than the other. The path each family pursues should be the best for them.
Most Adoptions Are Closed
Most adoptions in this era are open or semi-open, where the birth parents have some sort of relationship with the adoptive parents and the child.
Most Don't Know They're Adopted
It is a myth that most adopted children these days don't know that they were born to a different mother and/or father. There are exceptions, but for decades it has been recognized that it's better for adopted children to know and speak openly about their family origin story.
Open Adoption Is Confusing
Another myth that comes up again and again for families who pursued open adoptions is the idea that having birth parents and adoptive parents is confusing for the children. It's not. It's how they were raised and, to them, it makes all the sense in the world. Whether the rest of us can figure it out is beside the point.
This article was originally published in June 2016
