20 Ways to Support Your Friend With Breast Cancer

Treatment and illness can cause chronic fatigue, so offering to drive your friend when she has doctor appointments, or simply when she feels able to leave the house, is a thoughtful idea. Driving is one fewer thing she'll have to worry about, and having your company will help take her mind off the cancer.

While she no doubt will want to spend time with her children, your friend or loved one may appreciate a day when she doesn't have to worry about what they're up to. Offering to take the kids out for a day helps both mom and children. The little ones get to have fun with you, allowing her to catch up on emails, work or simply relax.

Support works best when it's done in groups, so get your family and friends together to help out. Organize a prayer chain, visitor chain or calling chain so your friend knows she's in others' thoughts and never feels out of touch.

It may become harder for your friend to tackle daily meals—and you can help in a couple of ways. Get a group of friends together to make and bring over hot dinners, rotating so it's less of a burden on each of you. Also, if your friend still wants to cook and bake, you can help her set up a meal-planning service to take the extra thought out of shopping, prepping and making meals.

Create a calendar for your loved one, so she knows when doctor appointments are, when visitors plan to drop by or when someone plans on helping out with a meal. Personalize it by adding fun pictures of your friend.

After a friend is diagnosed with cancer, avoid saying things like, "Don't worry, you'll be OK" or "I know how you feel." (Check out Cancer.net's list of taboo phrases.) Instead, simply listen. If she has fears, worries, concerns or needs, let her share them with you. Say you're happy to be her ear to vent and will only attempt to give advice if she wants it. And more than anything, talk about regular things. She is still the same person, so make sure to treat her like it.

There are some days when your friend won't even have the energy to walk to the bathroom, and that's OK. Let her rest, help her when you can and just be there for her. However, there are going to be days when she's feeling better and more like herself. Take those days and make the most of them. Go for ice cream or take a walk in the park. There are small excursions waiting just out the door, and it's your job to make them happen.

Go with her to as many appointments as you can, and take notes. It's a lot of information and medical jargon that many of us need to sift through later. Allow her to listen, and you be her hands to write down everything that's being said. That way, you can review it together later and ask any follow-up questions that arise.

Pick up fun items for your friend, which may help lift her spirits. While she'd probably love a piece of jewelry or housekeeping service, inexpensive gifts do the trick just fine. The latest issue of her favorite magazine, a "Friends" DVD box set or gift certificate for a pedicure will all give her a fun break from her routine.

Go to her house and write down everything that she buys, in terms of toiletries and groceries. Take note of the brand or type that she prefers. You can then share that list with friends and family. Everyone can help her do her shopping, and it's going to be exactly what she already uses.

If your friend is dealing with fatigue, helping with chores will ease her load. Run a vacuum in the house, rake leaves, dust, throw in a load of laundry or do the dishes. She may want to help, in which case you can catch her up on anything she's missed with the kids or your friends while you divvy up tasks.

In addition to her basic living expenses, treating cancer will add to a growing stack of bills. For family members, especially, helping her get financially organized will be a huge weight off her mind. Be an assistant. Organize bills by due date, make sure she's getting the insurance coverage she needs, help her contact doctors and hospitals to work out a payment plan, and help her apply for financial assistance if she needs it.

If she's OK with it and wants to do it, then make an event out of her hair loss. Plan a night for everyone to gather at the salon or at her house and do the deed together. Make it a celebration instead of a loss and have others participate in cutting their hair, if they're so inclined.

Tell her that she's beautiful every time you talk to her. Let her know how wonderful she looks—and mean it. Her beauty is her inner strength and you need to remind her of that. Months or years from now, when she's hopefully in remission, tell her how beautiful she is. She needs to hear it and it costs you nothing to say it.

Should she want to attend, help your loved one both find and maintain a support group with other breast-cancer patients. These can be either online communities or in-person meetings. You can drive her to group sessions, or sit in with her if she feels initially uncomfortable. Her doctor may be able to help locate the best one for her or you can check out the American Cancer Society's support resources.

Raise money for donations or participate in charity walks. Volunteer at a cancer center or visit patients in chemo. Do what you can to help her in her fight. There are endless ways to get involved. Find the option that fits best for you and your friend.

Plan activities for her chemo sessions. The time can seem endless and lonely. Learn how to knit together, or bring a game to play. If you can't make it, then send her with a funny book or a tablet loaded with videos. Find ways to fill the time for her, so that she has other things to occupy her mind.

A cancer patient gets inundated with calls, texts, emails, letters and cards from well-wishers. Take the initiative to answer them all for her. Make sure she knows how you'll respond, and take that task off her plate. Many people are just looking for an acknowledgment of their efforts, and if you can do that, that's great. Writing thank-you notes is the last thing she should be worried about.

Don't forget about her! It's the little things that help most. One of the best gestures you can make is just being in touch. Call, text, send a cute card, ask to stop in or take her out—just let her know you're thinking about her and she's not alone during her tough time.

If you're unsure of what she needs or what she'd most appreciate, speak up. Say, "I'd love to help out, what can I do?" If she hesitates, tell her some things you'd love to handle for her: chores, play dates for the kids, meals and so forth. And let her know that when she needs you, whatever it is, you're there.