In this article
There are a lot of emotions that happen when you’re trying to conceive, especially if you are experiencing difficulties. Mom of two Monica Greco went through it twice and had this to say about the experience. “I didn’t really want to let friends and family know that I was trying to get pregnant, to avoid having to answer all the questions if things didn’t turn out as hoped,” Greco told Mom.com. “So, all the support I needed came from my partner and online groups of people going through a similar experience.”
Her experience isn’t unusual. One thing is for certain, most women need an emotional support system for getting pregnant and to get through the ups and downs of trying to conceive.
Who to ask: Support from family and friendst
Finding the right people in your network to support you is critical. There’s a fine line between asking too many questions and just listening. You’ll want to choose friends who know how to listen and will be interested in what you are going through. Often, this might be someone who went through a similar problem trying to conceive at some point. Of course, this should be a person you trust with very intimate emotions and concerns.
Getting support from your partner
If you are partnered, don’t hesitate to lean on that person for support. “Partners want to be supportive, but often don’t know what to do. They sometimes feel helpless because they can’t fix it or make it better,” psychologist Karen Hurley told the Cleveland Clinic. Some suggestions Hurley had are: leaning on them to reduce everyday stresses such as housekeeping and childcare, working together on treatment goals, deciding as a couple how much you want to disclose to family and friends about your fertility journey, and encouraging each other to reach outside your circle for help and support.
How to ask for help and get support for infertility
With the right group of friends chosen as a support system, you’ll need to let them know what you need in terms of support. Don’t let your friends guess when you need to talk and when you don’t feel like it. If your partner is unable to make a fertility appointment, you may want to ask a trusted friend to go with you.
When your support group does ask what you need, don’t be shy and dismiss your feelings. Explain your frustrations, fear, and anxiety over the situation. Do your best to help educate those who might not be well versed with fertility treatments to give them better insights about what you are dealing with. They might not understand the amount of work with fertility treatments and will be better supporters if you explain that.
Trying to conceive: Types of support available
There are a lot of ways to get support and it doesn’t just need to be family and friends. There are a lot of support groups available with other women and men going through the same process with the same ups and downs. There are also online forums and social media groups that can help you relate to other women and not feel so alone.
Professional counseling and support groups
There are times when you need more than what your friends and family can provide. While infertility is a common issue among couples, your inner network might not have ever experienced it. While they are there to support you, they might not have the empathy to help you navigate your emotions.
Getting professional help from a counselor is a great way to have a dedicated person who is there to listen, help you communicate with your spouse, and work through the difficult times. There are also peer or professionally led support groups. By being led by a professional or a peer, there is less of a chance of feeling left out. The group leader will facilitate sessions with broad topics and pertinent questions encouraging everyone to participate throughout.
With the pandemic, many of these in-person support groups have moved to Zoom events for everyone’s safety.
Online support
Social media platforms such as Facebook have fertility groups where men and women can find others who are going through the same thing (or have recently gone through it). While these groups may have moderators who facilitate certain topical questions, the benefit of these groups is in the stories others share. People bond when they vent about difficulties or cheer about successes.
These groups open a bigger network of support up with people coming from around the country or world. Moderators and admins are there to make sure everyone feels safe to share feelings without being attacked or mocked. One of the biggest benefits is these groups are available 24/7 with people who are there when you need support.
Dr. Carly Snyder, Board Certified Reproductive and Perinatal Psychiatrist told Mom.com why this is important. “Trying to conceive can be a very lonely process. Too often, women remain quiet about what they’re going through and as a result, are isolated. It’s critical to remember that there is no shame in struggling to conceive.” Finding the right balance of family and friends and other groups will give you the support you need when trying to conceive.
