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Starting the surrogacy journey can be daunting. Getting an overview of the surrogacy process, weighing the options between adoption and surrogacy, and researching agencies can be extremely overwhelming. Add in both the monetary and emotional costs of surrogacy and it can be difficult to know where to begin. Know that you won’t be alone: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), between 1999 and 2013, surrogacies resulted in 13,380 deliveries and the birth of 18,400 infants.
“The first thing I suggest is to do your research,” advised surrogacy agency owner and consultant Sharon LaMothe. “The entire surrogacy process takes between 12 to 18 months to complete (sometimes longer), and costs anywhere from $100,000 to $150,000 to the intended parent for everything needed to have a baby via surrogacy,” LaMothe explained to Mom.com. “There are a lot of factors to consider.”
Things to consider before starting the surrogacy process
Former gestational surrogate Kymberli Barney agreed: “There’s a lot that you need to come to terms with first — before even deciding if surrogacy is an option. It takes a lot of soul searching and really thinking about the experience and the idea of another woman carrying your child.”
Additionally, you may want to think about whether you want to go with a surrogacy agency or pursue the process independently. Agencies can be a good source to help you navigate the entire process — as well as provide certain safeguards. But be aware that surrogacy agencies are not very regulated, laws vary widely by state, and if you’re an LGBTQIA family, you’ll want to check if the agency is LGBTQIA-friendly. Do your due diligence and make sure the agency uses a third-party financial handler.
“One of the main things is how quickly an agency contacts you after your initial inquiry,” counseled LaMothe. “Are they (the staff/owner) good communicators? Are your questions answered quickly and completely?”
“A lot of people don’t know or realize that you can navigate the journey independently,” Barney mentioned. “You can navigate your journeys independently, which definitely requires you to be a lot more dependent on your research. If you’re going with an agency, I think that it’s still important.”
Whether or not you go with an agency, both you and the surrogate should consider legal representation to make sure the contracts fully cover as many eventualities as possible — including whether you want selective reductions, guardianship in case of parental separation or death, and a variety of worst case scenarios. Keep in mind, listing these possibilities is to ensure that should the worst occur, there is a clear process to follow — it does not mean that something bad will happen.
Additionally, you will need to undergo a lot of medical, psychological, background, and financial screenings. You’ll also need to decide what your surrogacy plan will look like. For instance, do you need to use an egg or sperm donors? What does your insurance cover? What are your state’s laws concerning surrogacy, as well as the rights of the intended parents, surrogate, and possible children resulting from the surrogacy? If you are an LGBTQIA family, what are your basic legal rights in each state?
Types of surrogacy
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There are two types of surrogacy. Traditional surrogacy is where the surrogate donates their own eggs and carries the baby. They are impregnated via artificial insemination by either a home insemination kit or IUI (intrauterine insemination).
The more popular option, gestational surrogacy, is where the woman is not genetically related to the baby and is impregnated via IVF (in vitro fertilization).
Steps to the surrogacy process
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Here are the steps to take to start the surrogacy process:
1) Decide whether surrogacy is the right decision for you
This is where you start the due diligence process, as well as ask yourself the hard questions surrounding surrogacy and what that means to you personally.
2) Prepare for surrogacy process
This is when you do more due diligence, prepare the necessary documents, check insurance, and apply for loans, as well as undergo whatever screenings and procedures you may need.
3) Make a match
Finding a surrogate is a lot like dating, but basically, you’re looking for someone whose surrogacy plan is similar to yours. Depending on how your agency works or if you’re doing it independently, this is when you’ll look over profiles of potential surrogates and then get to know each other further if there is interest.
4) Draw up legal contracts
For all parties, it’s important seek proper legal representation to look over your contracts to make sure that you are appropriately covered and protected.
5) Begin the fertilization and embryo(s) transfer process
Once the contracts are signed, this is when the medical procedures for insemination or IVF occur. After a successful transfer, then you wait.
6) Welcome your new baby home
Congratulations! Now even more work begins, as this brand-new person joins your family.
Surrogacy is not the right choice for everyone, but if it is the right choice for you, it can be a beautiful process.
