15 of the Funniest Things Celebs Have Said About Marriage

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard have been married for almost a decade and have always been open about the less glamorous parts of marriage and parenting. We have to laugh that she's looking forward to seeing his baby diapering skills pay off for her possible future adult diaper needs!

Comedian and actress Cameron Esposito knows that marriage is about love, obviously, but clearly there's also a real benefit for people who are prone to losing things like their keys or glasses. We're ot saying we'd marry just for the help in finding our glasses, but … well, we're not NOT saying that either.

The late David Bowie, one of the all-time icons of rock-star coolness, was also a big fan of his gorgeous wife, Iman. He once cracked up late-night host Conan O'Brien by dryly noting, "You would think that a rock star being married to a supermodel would be one of the greatest things in the world. It is."

One of our favorite parts of Chrissy Teigen and John Legend's marriage is that they never seem to take themselves too seriously. We've got to love that Chrissy is totally willing to (jokingly) screw John over when it comes to making the better business deals in this power couple partnership.

John Legend isn't going to let Chrissy be the only one who gets some zingers out about married life. We all have those little habits that make our partners nuts, and it sounds like Chrissy isn't exactly the most attentive movie watcher out there.

Nothing changes a marriage faster than the arrival of kids. Ryan Reynolds, who has married to Blake Lively for 10 years, jokingly shared how having a baby changes the pecking order in a marriage, telling David Letterman: "I used to say to Blake, 'I would take a bullet for you. I could never love anything as much as I love you.' I would say that to my wife. And the second I looked in that baby's eyes, I knew in that exact moment that if we were ever under attack, I would use my wife as a human shield to protect that baby."

The pandemic changed a lot of things for many couples, including famous ones. In early 2021, Blake Lively cheekily noted that pandemic husbands had to play multiple roles, including hair support, by posting this behind-the-scenes video with the caption, "That time I f###ed my hairdresser."

Actor and comic Jim Gaffigan frequently shares funny observations about marriage and family life, including the fact that sometimes we all think about firing our spouse! He joked, "I'm happily married but I would say about once a week, I catch my wife giving me a look like, 'I'm going to have to let you go.'"

A healthy sex life can be a great cornerstone for a marriage, but Amy Schumer is hilariously honest about the fact that frequency of sex can really change over time. Appearing on the Comedy Gold Minds podcast with Kevin Hart, she joked of her bedroom habits with husband Chris Fischer, "We probably have sex every seven to 10 days. And we do it and we go, 'God, that's so great. Like we need to do that more.' And then we don't do it again for another seven to 10 days."

According to Gwyneth Paltrow, the key to a lasting marriage might be as simple as not having both people feeling grouchy at the same time. She shared, "I asked my dad once, 'How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?' And he said, 'Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"

Every marriage has its ups and downs. But, as funny guy and actor Andy Richter dryly noted in 2015, the hardest times are probably when we hate each other! Sadly, Andy and his wife divorced a few years after this tweet, so maybe this wasn't as much of a joke as he meant it to be?

When two couples get together socially, is it a double date? Or is it, according to Chris Rock in his Never Scared special, basically a husband playdate. "Fellas, once you get married, you become your wife's pet. Because women like to get their husbands together, who don't even know each other, and have like a grown-man play date. Put you in a room with some other married motherf—ers, and go, 'He likes baseball just like you.' Then you're in some room with some f—ing stranger going, 'I like baseball.'"

Steve Carell and his wife, actress Nancy Carell, work together on a regular basis and they have a great suggestion for how to make a marriage last. First, get "legally separated," he said, "so that's how that works, but also don't be afraid to try sedation. We're so relaxed around each other now."

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have been married for about a decade, and he has cracked the code on marriage success. He once shared in a press conference, "We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she's getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her own way in everything. And so far, it's working."

The late great Ruth Bader Ginsburg might not be the first person we think of for funny quotes on marriage. But we have to love that she shared that her mother-in-law gave her ear plugs at her wedding, along with the wise advice, "In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." Funny and practical!