“Welcome home!” my neighbor called across the street as I hauled in our trash bins. “How’s the little one?”
“She’s great!” I replied. “Things are going really well!”
“OK, well, let me know right away if you need anything. Seriously, don’t hesitate!” she said, waving before going back inside her house.
I put away the bins and returned to the bedroom where my second daughter, 4 weeks old, lay sleeping in her bassinet. Since she didn’t need me, I climbed into bed and flipped on a silly Netflix rom-com and checked my phone. My texts were full of messages of support for me and the new baby, many offering their assistance with anything I should need.
I was overcome with appreciation for the outpouring of love and support
But the truth was — and is — that I’m good. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I really am good. It’s shocking to me because of how difficult postpartum was with my first baby. The difference between those first few weeks with child #1 and child #2 are remarkable. Had I known how much easier it would be this time, I might have considered getting pregnant again sooner!
It has helped tremendously that I had a better hospital experience this time around. I knew what kinds of things I needed to ask about. I was very upfront with what kind of pain management I would need, because I knew what I was in for.
Childbirth wasn’t just an abstract concept this time around
It was an experience I had lived through, and while I didn’t have many concrete memories, I would never forget how much the epidural helped. I also understood that I couldn’t count on nurses or doctors to anticipate my needs, and that I needed to be vocal about what kind of support I required. It also didn’t hurt that I switched hospitals based on recommendations from my friends and family, and I found the other area hospital to be much more comfortable and accommodating.
Another major challenge I faced with my first child that I was able to navigate much more easily this time around was lack of sleep. Perhaps because I’m six years older now I just need less sleep. I suspect the real reason I’ve been able to navigate the night feedings so much more easily this time is that, as a parent, I have come to accept that I am not going to get as much sleep as I would like.
I’m at peace with it
I used to have a lot of anxiety about getting enough sleep and how tired I would be the next day. Child #1 cured me of that pretty quickly, and I have learned over the years that I can operate on a lot less sleep than I ever thought I could.
Lastly, this birth did not require a shift in my entire identity
I remember the shock to the system that I suffered after my first daughter was born. I was someone’s mother! I battled feelings of inadequacy and the deep-seated fear that I wasn’t cut out for the job of parenting. Now, with six years of parenting under my belt, I was easily able to change “Mother” to “Mother of two” when considering my identity as a human. I had already long ago relinquished my right to bodily autonomy and personal space, and accepted the challenge of being the mother of the little person I had created. This time, it was like, “Well, the more the merrier!”
I realize that my experience is not universal, but I also feel like many parents may share my former anxiety about having another child because they remember how difficult the first time was. I have been pleasantly surprised with the ease with which my family and I have adjusted to the new baby. Of course, I may have just totally jinxed myself, but I’m so grateful for the ease of this second baby experience. Maybe it’s because I know I have support if I need it that I’m able to relax and let my mommy instincts guide me. All I know is I’m just going to enjoy this journey the second time around.
