10 Things No One Tells You About Postpartum Recovery

The REAL Truth

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When you are pregnant, there is a massive amount of info about what is happening as your belly grows, and there are countless books and classes about the birth itself, but little is said about the fourth trimester. Postpartum recovery is full of funny quirks and serious challenges that no one seems to be talking about. Here are the top ten things I wish I had known about the early months postpartum.

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You Don't Need to Pack Underwear in Your Hospital Bag

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No, really. First of all, you clearly won’t need them for delivery. And you won’t need them afterward either. Here’s a little secret: They give you these weird disposable, stretchy granny panties, and you’ll actually want to use them. Why would someone want such a thing you might ask? Well, that’s the other bit of news nobody mentions: There will be blood—lots and lots of blood. Like diaper-sized pad amounts. So you’ll happily don the giant stretchy underpants and save yourself some serious laundry. Oh, and their stretchiness means they can accommodate the frozen diapers that the nurses give you for your sore nether regions. That’s right, after giving birth, you will walk around with giant panties full of enormous pads and frozen diapers. The frozen diapers are a godsend, and the panties are oddly comfortable, so much so that I have friends who smuggled home a few extra pairs!

Leaving the Hospital Is No Easy Task

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No one prepared me for discharge day. You’re exhausted, and all you want to do is go home to your own bed. But first, you and baby must complete a ridiculous gauntlet of physical and bureaucratic tests. The baby has to poop and pee a certain amount of times, pass a hearing test and scream through a brutal number of foot pricks for some test that will seriously stress you out. You have to prove to numerous people that you can breastfeed and care for yourself. Then there is the paperwork—mountains and mountains of paperwork: birth certificate, discharge release, and I don’t even know what else. I just kept filling them out and signing my name. Finally, you get baby into her special going-home outfit and all buckled into the infant seat, which you must prove you know how to use, and, oops, not so fast! That whole process took too long, and now baby has a poop explosion and wants to eat. Clean, feed, repeat, until you can FINALLY go home. And then it hits you, you are taking this tiny infant home, alone, no nurse call button. And while it is daunting and emotionally exhausting, it is ultimately oh-so-good to be home.

MORE: 7 Crazy Real-Life Delivery Disasters

It's All About the Baby

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And that kinda sucks. You’ve just been through this huge ordeal—you’re healing, trying to adjust, caring for your little one around the clock and coming to grips with your new role as a mom. And whether you are struggling with all of that or thoroughly enjoying it, you deserve and require just as much attention and care as the tiny human you just brought into the world. Our culture is so baby-focused that the new parents are often neglected. You don’t need someone to stop by and hold the baby so that you can get some dishes done, you need someone to come do your dishes so that you can snuggle up with your new baby. When you are pregnant, everyone rushes to open your door and makes sure you’re not doing any heavy lifting. But once that baby is out, you’re seemingly on your own, as if you should hurry up and start pulling your weight already, stitches be damned. I encourage you to speak up and ask for the help you want and need. Most people would love to lend a hand, but they just won’t think of it on their own. And of course, a snuggle from your precious bundle is excellent payment for delivered groceries or folded laundry.

Lay Off Me, I'm Starving!

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You’re going to be hungry, hungry like a wolf. That first meal after giving birth? It tastes amazing, provided it isn’t hospital food! I highly recommend having someone bring you a mammoth portion of delicious takeout. After delivering my second son, I had the best meatball sub of my life. And when you get home, you will continue to be starving; unfortunately, you will also have zero time or energy to prepare food. I wish someone had told me how important it is to make and freeze meals ahead of time. Better yet, call in a bunch of favors and have friends and relatives bring you hot meals. The only thing that tastes better than a home cooked meal is one you didn’t have to cook! Nourishing food with help you feel human, but if you’re unprepared, you will end up eating a bunch of junky convenience food, and then you’ll end up feeling like junk. You will also want to make sure you’re getting lots and lots of fiber (see next slide for further explanation).

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The Second Labor

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File this under "The Worst Thing No One Told Me." It didn’t even occur to me that using the restroom after having a baby would be so fraught with fear and discomfort. The truth is, going poop after having a baby is almost as difficult as having the baby itself. I wish I was over exaggerating, but it really was scary and painful. In fact, it was brutal. Tears were shed. I think it was even worse because I wasn’t mentally prepared for such torture. I just kept thinking, Why didn’t anyone tell me? I would have eaten more bran. Fiber is your friend, ladies. And while it wasn’t pretty, I did survive and so will you. Bowel movements, thankfully, don’t often find their way into polite conversation, but seriously, expecting moms need to know the truth about postpartum pooping.

Paging Dr. Freud

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Here’s something I really wish I had known: Becoming a mother drags things up from deep within you. You might have to face issues you didn’t even know you had. Things I thought I had gotten over years ago suddenly reared their ugly head as I navigated this new role as mother. Being a mom provided new context for my own childhood. I suddenly feared that my doting husband could leave me and the baby at any time, not because he ever would, but because my own father had. Once I recognized that, talked with my husband and acknowledged that PMS had nothing on postpartum hormone swings, I felt much better. Furthermore, if you choose to do things differently than your own mother, be prepared for hurt feelings. New grandmothers are adjusting to their roles as well, and they might see your doing something differently as a direct cut to how they did things. Try to be sensitive to your mom’s feelings, but don’t let it stop you from finding your own style of parenting.

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When Are You Due?

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That’s right, you will still look pregnant when you leave the hospital, and for quite a while afterward. I’m not talking about a tiny little tummy pouch that could have been caused by eating an extra large burrito. I’m talking about a full-on five months preggo belly; you won’t want to donate those maternity clothes just yet. And really, who wants to give up elastic waist pants? There are plenty of suggestions for minimizing this natural post-baby shape, but the last thing I wanted to do was shove my sore and exhausted body into a girdle! I really don’t know how the Kardashians do it. Instead, I just thanked my lucky stars I wasn’t a celebrity, hiked up my maternity leggings and cozied my baby into a tummy-covering sling or wrap. You heard it here first, baby-wearing is the perfect belly camouflage!

You'll Look Like a Porn Star But Won't Feel Like One

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When the milk fairy arrives, you will look exactly like you just underwent elective surgery on par with Dolly herself. We’re talking giant, rock-hard knockers. Any other time, this might be a fun little development. Your husband will likely think it’s pretty great. Trouble is, your extra-buxom bosom is almost never off duty. And when you do get a break from nursing, that’s exactly what you’ll want—a break. Not to mention, even when you get the green light from your doctor to be intimate, you might not be into it. Many factors make romance a struggle in the early months postpartum, namely: exhaustion, lack of showers, shyness about your changed body and, last but not least, apprehension about actually, you know, doing it. It’s totally normal to have some trepidation, be gentle with yourself. Oh, and you really are going to want to do those Kegel exercises.

MORE: 10 Must-Have Breastfeeding Accessories

You'll Need Mom Friends

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No one told me how important it is to have mom friends. The value of even just one other mom that you connect with can be the difference between a sad and lonely postpartum experience and an enjoyable, even social one. They also don’t tell you that making mom friends can be difficult. There is a very high-school-esque vibe to many playgroups and baby classes. Sometimes, it feels as though everyone already knows each other, or that everyone is too busy judging each other to actually get to know anyone new. My advice is to persevere; if one group is full of catty bitches, try another. And don’t be afraid to stick your neck out. It’s not unlike freshman year of college: Everyone is new and everyone is in the same boat, although admittedly, there is a lot less beer and lot more responsibilities. But it’s more important that you like the person than their parenting style. Don’t let perceived judgment, shyness, or frazzled nerves stop you from making mom friends. Having someone you can empathize and laugh with does wonders for postpartum recovery.

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The Highs Are Super High

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I think most women have heard of postpartum mood swings and the baby blues, but no one told me that my mood would also swing to great heights. It’s totally awesome. It might be that you survived your first night at home or saw your baby smile (don’t let anyone tell you it’s just gas), and suddenly you get this rush of pride and joy that’s hard to describe and impossible to beat. You see, if it was all hard all the time, the human race would have disappeared long ago. And while I think it is important to discuss the negative, so that (if nothing else) we are pleasantly surprised instead of overwhelmed and disappointed, we also need to do a better job of sharing the wonderful parts of having a brand new baby. Between diaper changes and yawns there are moments of pure magic. A newborn asleep on your chest is perhaps the closest one can get to heaven on earth. And the love you feel for your baby will be so overwhelmingly wonderful you won’t even be able to imagine what your life was like without them.

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