My mom was big into breastfeeding. She nursed me for over two years, back in the late 1970s, when there was little support for breastfeeding, let alone extended breastfeeding. She nursed my little sister for even longer. I remember watching my sister curled up in her lap, looking so safe and snuggled. I decided then and there that I could nurse my babies and that it would be the best thing ever.
That’s probably part of why I was so devastated when my firstborn baby wouldn’t latch. I had assumed that breastfeeding was the most natural act on Earth, and that when I put my newborn to my breast, he’d happily take it and nurse contentedly.
That’s not what happened at all
My son’s birth was easy and uneventful and he was born healthy and strong. After he was cleaned, weighed, and examined, he was given to me. When I put his face next to my breast, nothing happened. I tried tickling his lips with my nipple, and still nothing. It was like he had no idea what to do or how to do it.
My midwives gave me some help with latching and positioning and we got him to suckle a little, but he soon fell right to sleep. Even when he nursed, his suckling wasn’t very vigorous. I was told that I would need to hand express my milk for now and give it to him with a spoon or a syringe.
I don’t remember the next few days that well
It was a blur of trying to latch, trying to express my milk, trying to feed him. Every time I’d offer the breast to him, he’d kind of look at it, look at me, and be like, “Huh?” It sounds sort of funny now, as I recall it all, but I was totally crushed when this would happen.
I remember standing in the shower crying, saying out loud, “I can’t nurse my baby, I can’t nurse my baby.” The inadequacy and shame that happens when you have a non-latching baby is palpable and memorable.
Thankfully, things got better each day
I had two great doulas who were at my birth and who helped me with breastfeeding. They showed me how to support my breasts, shape the nipple, and help my baby find the right angle to latch on. He really just needed a lot of help and support. Just placing the breast near his mouth wasn’t enough.
For weeks, each latching session was a big deal. I had to set up a stack of pillows in just the right way. I had to shape the nipple perfectly and guide it perfectly into his mouth. Luckily, I had a lot of milk and he began to gain weight. And yes, eventually he and I both learned the art of latching, and he nursed like a champ.
I know that in the grand scheme of things, my non-latching story isn’t that bad
I know lots of moms whose babies never latched, or who continued to have troubles longer than I did. But the sting of that rejection lives in my bones, and I know how difficult it can be when your baby simply won’t breastfeed.
I want other parents to know that if they’re going through this, they aren’t alone. I’d urge them to get some hands-on help from a breastfeeding professional. Most of all, don’t beat yourself up too much — you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s a common problem, but there is hope.
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