Dear Well-Meaning Formula-Feeding Shamers,
I get it — you’re passionate about infant health. You’re passionate about making sure all moms are educated about the benefits of nursing and breast milk for the health of moms and babies.
Thank you. Your concern is appreciated and understood. But please stop. Now.
In an age when we constantly shout “Take care of you!” encouragement to one other, concerning the hardest and sometimes most confusing job in the world, you screaming the same known facts about why “breast is best” really doesn’t serve to effectively change any of our minds for those of us who opted and/or are opting out of nursing.
Yes, breast can be best — but not always.
You should know that and respect it
I’m not ignorant about formula-feeding — I was a formula-feeder from Day 1 of both my daughters’ births. Because I wanted to, because I needed to. Having the courage to (unpopularly) choose what would serve my babies and myself best at that time — physically, mentally, emotionally — proved to grow me into a self-professed kick-butt parent for the long run.
During my first pregnancy, I was terrified at the thought of breastfeeding for some unbeknownst reason I still can’t figure out. I was scared for a full nine months at the thought of becoming a mom: Would I do it right? Could I do it at all?
The fear crippled me
I produced barely a quarter ounce of breastmilk (yes, I pumped for about a week to see how it all went down), so I depended on formula to nourish my baby and keep her healthy.
If I was as hardheaded about refusing formula, like so many formula-shamers are, my baby would’ve been malnourished, unhappy, and unhealthy. And I would’ve been a train wreck and nearly incapable of mothering my infant. I’ve since seen new moms go through this but not give up on nursing because they’ve been shamed into it.
Not. Good. For. Anyone.
When my second baby burst into the world, I had a 1-1/2-year-old with no help at home and opted to formula-feed because it made everything easier. I needed my body to be energetic, my mental clarity and my body to heal, so I could take care of a toddler and a baby.
Guess what? It worked!
While other moms with babies close in age were drowning and struggling and hurting and crying, and completely trapped in a cycle of mental/physical/emotional turmoil, I thrived. And so did everyone else.
I chose formula-feeding as the most effective form of successful self-care, which trickled down to my back-to-back babies.
Formula uplifted my experience as an uncertain new mother and made the first few years with my daughters exponentially happier and stress-free than if I’d chosen otherwise at that time in my life. And no, I’m not wearing rose-colored glasses.
Facts: Most infant formula is safe. (Do your own research here.) And most pediatricians recommend new moms utilize formula if it will improve the overall physical health of their baby and/or mental health of the mother.
Shaming formula-feeding mothers is no better that shaming moms for anything else
You’re not educating anyone — you’re only annoying us and making life harder during an already difficult time. And haven’t we all come to some kind of collective conclusion that public shaming is not necessarily all that productive?
At the end of the day, wouldn’t it be better if we were all part of some massive mom village that lifts each other up, instead of finding ways to judge our differences? You can breastfeed, I can formula-feed, she can do some combination of both — trust me, it’ll all be OK.
Sincerely,
A former formula-feeding mom whose kids are still healthy and happy
