My firstborn was an easy baby. She slept through the night and only woke to eat starting at six weeks, and at six months she was sleeping 12 hours a night. She breastfed well, ate well, and was a happy little girl.
When I gave birth to my second baby, I naively assumed he would follow in his sisters footsteps, but oh my goodness, was I wrong. When he was a few weeks old his colic set in and it felt like I was living in a terrible nightmare. I would constantly tell my husband how it felt like I was in some terrible version of the film Groundhog Day.
Colic is terrible, and I don’t think you can really know how bad it is until you’ve had a baby with it. I had very well-meaning friends and family say comments that were said in hopes of being helpful, but actually ended up being quite hurtful. So not only was I suffering physically from lack of sleep, but I was also struggling mentally since I felt like I was at my breaking point and didn’t have a solid support system.
So if you want to be helpful to someone you know who has a colicky baby, here are five things you should NOT say.
“Have you tried taking them to the doctor?”
They probably already brought it up to the doctor – there’s no way your baby is not sleeping and crying all the time and you don’t bring them in to make sure it isn’t something worse.
And when they took their baby in, the doctor probably told them the same thing my doctor told me, “You can try X, Y and Z, but your baby just has to grow out of it.”
“Have you tried ________?”
… giving them gripe water?
… giving them gas relief drops?
… taking them to the chiropractor?
… massaging them?
… giving them probiotics?
It is helpful to offer suggestions of things for them to try, but chances are they have tried every remedy you can think of, and then some.
There is no harm in suggesting remedies, but keep in mind that although these may help a little bit, in no way is it ridding their baby of colic as it is typically something they have to grow out of. So don’t bring these things up as if they are the magical cure.
“If you’re breastfeeding, have you tried cutting out ________?”
… dairy?
… red meat?
… nuts?
… wheat?
… caffeine?
When people suggested that I try cutting things out, it made me feel even more overwhelmed and made me place some of the blame on me. I thought that maybe they were right and I was contributing to my baby’s pain and discomfort.
Again, there’s no harm in cutting out particular foods, but I think that when you are dealing with colic it is very unlikely that a mom will cut out certain things from her diet and it will rid the baby of the colic. In my opinion, that would seem more like a food allergy.
“You’re lucky, my baby’s colic was so much worse.”
Colic is bad no matter how “bad” your baby has it. Just because your baby requires more comfort to settle down, does not mean that they had colic worse than another baby. If you have persevered through your baby having colic, please use that experience to help other parents going through the same thing – not to hurt them.
“It could be worse, at least your baby doesn’t have ________.”
Yes, my baby doesn’t have a life-threatening illness, but that does not take away from the fact that this is hard. It is important to acknowledge other people’s struggles and come alongside them — just because it CAN be worse, doesn’t mean that they can’t talk about what they are going through.
I want to add that this post is not meant to discourage you from giving advice or sharing your own experiences. Just be mindful of what you are saying and how you are saying it. And as long as you are coming from a loving and encouraging place, your loved ones appreciate you speaking with them!
