I was at a party recently and one of the people there was a mom with an infant. When she left the room to change his diaper, one of the other moms said, “Oh, sometimes I miss that poop smell.” Wait, what? Who in their right mind would long for the smell of baby doodie? We made sure to check and see if her drink had been spiked.
I think sometimes we romanticize every aspect of our kids’ lives and start to believe everyone when they say, “Enjoy this because you’re going to miss this stage.” Sure there are moments we all miss about our kids being babies (like falling asleep with them in our arms or the smell of their heads, not their diapers) but there are definitely certain things we don’t ever want to relive. Here are a few:
1. Keeping track of bowel movements besides your own
Along with the smell of poop, you won’t miss having to have every waking moment and every conversation consumed with the topic, either. Although judging by what I’ve overheard at some gyms and health food stores it’s not reserved for just people with babies.
2. A world ruled by burp cloths
Some day you’ll be able to leave the house — or even a room — without having to find a burp cloth first. Related: You can also look forward to owning a black top without stains on the shoulders.
3. Hoarding diaper coupons like they're priceless heirlooms
I had a neighbor who would go door-to-door asking everyone for their Sunday insert so she could stock up on diaper coupons. I never went this far, although I do remember crying once when my husband accidentally threw away a stack of $1.50 coupons that I had gotten as a supermarket promo.
4. Not being able to say "goodnight" without lying
Why say "goodnight" to anyone? Those words are empty because you know that there is no ‘good’ in your night as long as your baby will be waking up every 20 minutes. In the future you’ll be able to say something other than, “OK then, see you soon,” before you fake-sleep.
5. Dreading sound of any kind
A doorbell, a phone ring, a friendly voice—any of these are enough to make your blood run cold when you’ve got a baby napping. Once they become better sleepers, though, you’ll be able to dread sounds because you just hate human interaction like normal people.
6. A bag that doesn’t weigh 50 pounds
Once you don’t have to pack diapers, wipes, snacks, bottles, toys, extra clothes, sunscreen, medicine, a baby monitor and four books on baby care, you can go back to a bag filled with gum and old receipts like you used to do.
7. Doing five loads of laundry every day
You’ll get a short break from this schedule until your kids become tweens.
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8. Taking an hour to get into your car and another hour to get out
I’m not gonna lie — one of the happiest days of my life was watching my daughter toddle to the car carrying her own bag, crawl into her car seat and buckle herself in.
