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One of the truths you’ll eventually figure out for yourself as a parent is that there are many valid ways to be a good one! (Although, sometimes, it feels as if other parents are constantly judging you if you don’t agree with them on their methods.) One of the numerous methods of parenting is called attachment parenting (AP).
So what is attachment parenting? In a nutshell, AP has the goal of creating a strong bond between child and parent by encouraging parents to respond consistently and lovingly to all of a baby’s needs.
We break down what practices AP consists of, and how it looks in the real world.
What is attachment parenting theory?
Attachment parenting theory is a child-rearing style based on attachment theory — which is the idea that a parent’s responsiveness and connection to their baby will have far-reaching effects on the child’s future relationships and emotional health. AP expands upon this and is characterized by several principles and tools designed to give new parents practical tips on how to raise a confident, secure child.
According to Attachment Parenting International, an organization that educates and supports families using AP, here are a few of their principles:
1) Feed with love and respect
Breastfeed if possible and for as long as possible. If bottle feeding is necessary, hold the bottle next to the breast. Let your child eat whenever they are hungry and until they are full.
“I nursed on demand and kept my babies with me at night or pretty much 24/7,” homeschooling mother of four Emilie Greenwell told us. “It was easier to nurse than to do bottles,” she said. “I got more sleep if they nursed when they felt like it and slept near me.”
2) Respond with sensitivity
Practice empathy and respect when responding to your child’s needs.
3) Use nurturing touch
Make skin-to-skin contact with your baby whenever possible. Caress, kiss and hug them. Wearing your baby in a wrap or sling is encouraged.
4) Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally
Practice co-sleeping by bringing your baby into your room at night. AP doesn’t support the practice of sleep training or letting your baby “cry it out.”
6) Provide consistent and loving care
Give your baby constant access to a caring, responsive adult, whether that’s you or a caregiver.
Attachment parenting: Pros and cons
Of course, all parenting theories have their pros and cons — and AP is no different and isn’t for everyone. Your work hours or the needs of other children might mean you’d benefit from getting your baby on a set sleeping and eating schedule, rather than letting their needs dictate your day. Babywearing can be tiring and makes it challenging to do simple tasks. And some moms feel that so highly valuing their babies’ needs makes it hard to take care of themselves.
On the other hand, some parents feel as if AP just comes naturally to them. Attachment parenting allowed entrepreneur Aaronica Bell Cole to feel super connected to her kids. “When I went to put them in their rooms, there were no problems with my oldest who slept with me for a year. The ones who we moved sooner cried and had a harder time transitioning,” she told Mom.com.
Parenting guidance: Examples of AP
If you want to follow all or some of the principles of AP, start by watching your baby. “I did AP for all three kids,” said Cole. “I chose to because it seemed like a more natural way for me and it was ‘easy.’ I try to follow the path of least resistance and this was that for me.”
For mom of four Whitney Cornelison, she had practiced AP for years without knowing it was called attachment parenting. “We all slept better co-sleeping and baby wearing allowed me to get more things accomplished while also soothing my babies,” Cornelison told Mom.com, saying she sometimes had one baby on her front and one on her back. “It worked for us and the bond we created has helped us through our many life transitions over the years.”
If you have questions, you can always check out a local support group, find an AP expert who can help you navigate the process, ask your pediatrician for a recommendation, or consult the API website.
Pediatrician and spokesperson for the Academy of American Pediatrics (AAP) Steph Lee, MD, MPH, FAAP, told Mom.com that the AAP doesn’t endorse any particular theory of parenting since different styles work for different families. “Think about your own personality and how you can establish a nurturing, positive bond as early as possible with your baby,” advised Dr. Lee. “If attachment parenting sounds like it’s for you, then try it. But if you start feeling overwhelmed, it may be time to back off and only practice a few of the strategies.”
Dr. Lee emphasized that the most important thing was to try your best to give love and attention to your child and be kind to yourself about how much you can do.
