One of the first things we do when we find out we’re welcoming a baby into the world is to do some research. We scour the internet for forums and reputable sites to find answers on what to expect and what’s to come. We buy baby books and read up on all the milestones, so we know what to expect when our baby enters the world.
For the most part, these books cover the typical milestones like when babies can hold their head up, when they learn to roll over, or crawl. But there are some milestones that tend to mark a parent’s journey through parenthood that aren’t covered. They’re less about growth and development and more about unlocking levels in what it’s like to be a parent.
So, for any parent still doing their research on what to expect when your baby enters the world, here are 16 milestones that happen but you won’t read them in any book.
First Projectile Spit-Up
Yes, you were told they would spit up. Yes, you read all about reflux. But there's no way to prepare yourself for the frothy post-meal Old Faithful geyser capable of spewing back out of your sweet cherub on occasion. Somehow, the milk or formula he just happily slurped down seems to increase in volume by 10,000% and exits his mouth with the force of a fire hose. It will be on you. It will be on your furniture. It will be on your ceiling. And, unless it happens every time he eats, it's totally normal. Unfortunately.
First Lost Lovey
Learning to self-soothe is an important skill for babies, and many times that self-soothing requires assistance from a stuffed animal, doll, or blanket. The comfort a baby gets from a "lovey" can be a great help to a haggard mom — that is, until you can't find it.
Few moments of parenting panic are as memorable as the first time you realize that you left precious Fuzzy Bunny at Grandma's. Or is it behind the couch? Or maybe at the playground? Who knows? But nobody's getting any peace until you find it.
First Flying Leap
Naturally, a new mom never, ever, ever, ever, ever takes her eyes off her baby for even the splittest of split seconds. Right? Right?? Ha. Babies are surprisingly tough and usually make it through a small fall with little more than some tears (from baby and mom), but the guilt generally ensures it's a trauma a mom never forgets!
First Blow-Out Up the Back
Changing diapers is never fun, but the blow-out up the back is a whole different animal. Modern science has been unable to determine how babies get their dirty work to escape a diaper and defy the laws of gravity and physics, but at some point every mom ends up peeling her baby out of a onesie that he's somehow managed to fill to the neck.
Take our advice: Skip the rinsing, and just throw that outfit away. Don’t be a hero.
First Time Baby Eats Something Unknown
It happens in a flash — your peripheral vision tells you your baby swiped something and popped it in her mouth, but you do the old finger swipe and come up empty. Was it a penny? Carpet fuzz? Stale Cheerio? Just your imagination?
If it's your first baby, you're on the phone with the pediatrician before you can say "Heimlich maneuver." If it's your third baby, chances are you'll just try to remember she might not be hungry for a snack later.
First Serious Jewelry Yank
First-time moms, if no one has told you this yet, stop everything you're doing right now and take off your necklaces and dangly earrings. Babies are always looking for something to wrap around those cute little chubby fingers, which is why so many fashion-conscious mamas have horror stories about scattered beads from a broken necklace or — even worse — the agony of having an earring removed against her will. OUCH!
First Time You Do Something You Swore You'd Never Do
Every mom has certain expectations about what kind of mother she'll be — and then reality strikes. No matter what your parenting plan is, one day you'll find yourself bribing your kid with a sucker in the checkout line or letting him curl up in your bed so you can finally get five minutes of uninterrupted sleep, and even though you swore you'd never do it, you won't be sorry you did.
First Time Leaving the House Without Checking the Diaper Bag
The nice thing about this one is that it's a mistake — ahem, milestone — you're only likely to endure once. When you're at the mall with a wet baby and discover you (Gasp!) don't have fresh supplies in that gigantic bag you've been lugging around, you'll have to improvise with paper towels from the ladies' room and an impromptu diaper made from your own sweatshirt. Trust us — next time you'll check the bag.
First Flat Out Refusal To Sleep
Babies are notorious for waking up during the night, and for going through phases during which they resist sleep with a determination most of us reserve for our New Year's resolutions on January 1. But there's always the first night when the minutes of rocking your baby to sleep turn to hours, until, through a haze of sleep-deprivation, you see morning sunlight glimmering through the window and you suddenly realize you've pulled your first all-nighter since college. And it wasn't anywhere near as fun as you remember.
First Time Baby Wants Someone Other Than You
It only makes sense that babies are wired to form a strong attachment to their primary caregivers, to the point that separation anxiety causes them to wail every time you leave the room for four milliseconds. While this all-consuming desire to be in your personal space 24/7 is endearing and sweet, moms also like to take showers alone occasionally. So, the first time a baby clambers to sit on someone else's lap can be a bittersweet moment for moms — but mostly sweet, because shower!
First Milestone That Doesn't Go According to 'The Charts'
This is perhaps the most terrifying of all the unexpected milestones. Naturally you know your child is exceptional, but at the same time, it's worrisome when all that infant fabulousness doesn't fall within the "normal" range. Shouldn't she be getting her first tooth by now? Should she already be able to climb into the toilet like that? Shouldn't I get a few more months of being able to spell "c-o-o-k-i-e-s" without her knowing what I'm talking about?
Well, welcome to motherhood. It's 100% love + 15,000,000% worry. Go ahead and call your doctor, who will likely reassure you that your baby is completely, wonderfully, fabulously, exceptionally normal.
First Fart in the Bath
It’s not a surprise that gas happens. It’s also a reality for so many new parents, because babies tend to have a lot of discomfort when it comes to gas pains. Some experts feel it may have a role in colic, and every baby book will talk about that milestone. But one that’s often glanced over is the first time a baby farts in the bath. It’s memorable because it will often come with a strange look from the baby or she might even startle herself, and that’s funny, too.
First Uncontrollable Giggle
One of the fun milestones that parents look forward to is the first time their baby laughs. It’s adorable and it makes all those sleepless nights where baby and parents are crying for hours all worth it. There’s a whole new marker for the first time a baby has an uncontrollable giggling fit. We’ve seen these all over the internet because they’re impossible to not smile and laugh at, too.
First Time Blowing a Kiss
We look forward to the day when our kid can interact with us. When kids are in the newborn phase, they really do just eat, sleep, cry, and poop. And with no feedback telling us that we’re doing a good job, it’s not a surprise we get in our heads about it. But the first time our child is able to put his hand to his lips, make a kissy sound, and gesture his hand toward us — blowing a kiss — is memorable because it’s so adorable.
First Time Baby Shares Food
When our little ones advance into the finger food stage of eating, it’s fun watching them try new things, whether they love the new flavor or not. Of course, new eaters tend to have a handful of favorites that they’re always game to eat and the first time they take one of those finger foods. Which leads to the next milestone we don’t hear about — the first time our kid tries to feed us the half-dissolved and sticky finger food she just had in her mouth. It's sweet and gross at the same time.
First Time Baby Says Something That Sounds Like a Bad Word
Another fun milestone that parents tend to hear about long before it happens is when our child starts talking. Kids tend to start with smaller words — often mom or dad — and progress from there. But the first time our kid says a word that sounds like a bad word (like trying to say “duck”) or he says a real swear word, something that he picked up from us, is one that probably won’t be in those baby milestone books.
*Disclaimer: The advice on Mom.com is not a substitute for consultation with a medical professional or treatment for a specific condition. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem without consulting a qualified professional. Please contact your health-care provider with questions and concerns.
