What to Know
It’s officially “all the things” season—spirit weeks, food drives, classroom parties, school concerts—basically a nonstop parade of school volunteer requests.
But one mom on TikTok has decided she’s opting out of the chaos this year, saying she’s done volunteering, donating, or signing up for anything holiday-related.
And unsurprisingly, the internet has feelings.
In her video, creator @heyempoweredmama kicks things off by saying, “It’s that time of year when my kid’s school asks parents for a million things.” This year, she says, she made a conscious choice to say no to all of it—every donation, every sign-up sheet, every volunteer slot.
According to her, the blanket “no” feels liberating, especially after a year spent dealing with high-functioning anxiety.
“I have been struggling. And this is something that I decided, because it feels like another thing I have to put on my to-do list and take on the mental load for. And I just don’t have the capacity to do it,” she shares in the video.
Why is December the worst?
Honestly, this time of year is so stressful—particularly for moms. Because making the kind of holiday magic we want to create for our kids takes a phenomenal amount of effort and brain power, so it’s no wonder we have little to give to anything (or anyone) else.
She explains that adding school obligations to her already overloaded mental to-do list was too much. With her kids’ birthdays happening around the holidays as well, she says she simply doesn’t have the bandwidth. And she insists parents shouldn’t feel guilty for stepping back.
“You’re not failing your kids or the school,” she says, noting that there are always other parents who genuinely enjoy helping.
But once the video started gaining traction, the pushback rolled in—particularly from teachers and parents who say the burden is already falling on too few people.
And the thing is, they’re not wrong either.
We all want and need a sense of community, or “the village,” but to receive those benefits, you also have to give your time and energy to others.
“Don’t worry, teachers like me are accustomed to picking up the slack and working even more (unpaid) when we don’t get enough parental support because WE don’t want to let our kids in our classroom down,” the top comment reads.
“So I hear this. Loud and clear. But as a teacher, I notice that this seems to be every parent. No one steps up, no one donates. So please, and I say this with all the respect for your situation, please support your kids teacher when they cancel the fun things due to lack of support. We are barely making it too. And frankly when it comes down to MY kids or my students, MY kids are getting the extra,” another commenter shares.
“At my kids’ school, there is a very small set of parents volunteering for every party, every fundraiser, every extra event- and it’s drowning us. I am trying to say yes to less, but watching sign-up lists remain completely empty is rough. If more parents would say yes to one thing it wouldn’t drown the few of us trying to fill in the gaps,” another says.
One commenter argued that depending on “other parents” isn’t realistic: “There have been plenty of times I’ve been the only parent supplying things for my child’s classroom because I refuse to leave it all on the teacher.” Another room parent chimed in that, in their experience, volunteers rarely materialize: “Everyone assumes someone else will do it.”
It’s OK to want to help but also resent helping.
Still, plenty of people defended her boundaries. Several said the holiday season already feels like two straight months of chores and obligations, and scaling back is necessary for mental health. “She clearly says she’s struggling,” one user wrote. “It’s okay to prioritize that.”
Others tried to strike a middle ground: maybe parents don’t need to sign up for the party, but could they send in tissues? A snack? Have another caregiver pitch in? “My kids notice when I don’t participate at all,” one user said.
“Honestly, I completely understand. This is one of the reasons I don’t LOOOOVE the holidays the way others do. It’s like two months of chores. School parties, teacher gifts, cookie swaps, food drives, Christmas concerts, etc. etc. on top of everything else that has to be done this time of year? It’s a LOT. I have also had to set some boundaries in this department. I will participate and volunteer any other time of year. Christmas? The busiest time of year? Count me out,” another parent shared.
In a follow-up video addressing some of the comments, @heyempoweredmama had a good point:
“Food for thought, maybe teachers and parents need to advocate for LESS in the classroom around the holidays!”
Honestly—and I can say this as a PTA president myself—YES PLEASE. The months of December and May are jam-packed with activities and endless expectations. Can we all just, like, tone it down a bit? Maybe move some things around? Eliminate the 567th party or celebration for something?
But I also know what a big ask that is, and how much the kids both need and want the motivation and rewards for their hard work.
So who can we really pinpoint the blame on here?
Exhausted moms, teachers, or administrators? Mmmm…no. How about dads and partners who aren’t pulling the same amount of weight at home or at their kids’ school? Just a thought!
