There is no doubt that paid family leave in the United States doesn't really exist. We are so far behind many other countries in this regard. Unfortunately, in the United States, there are no guidelines about getting paid leave. It's entirely up to the employer and differs state to state, which makes it very difficult for couples to plan for a baby. There's enough to worry about, but this makes money an even bigger problem.
Many employers don't pay at all, and if they do, they're certainly in the minority. Instead, new parents are expected to use their vacation time and short-term disability benefits and get through however long they can scrape money together after having a baby. If they can’t save before their baby comes, they need to survive on their partner's income, just when their expenses are increasing. Diapers and hospital bills aren't cheap. Or, even worse, they have to go back to work right after having a baby.
We are failing women hard
Making women choose between their career and their babies is mind-boggling — and that's exactly the scenario I was faced with. I was on a pretty good career path when I got pregnant with my first child, but couldn't stomach having to leave my daughter when she was so little. I saved money while preparing for the birth, but not everyone has that luxury. Having paid leave would have been huge, and the entire postpartum period, which was already an extremely difficult time, would have been far less stressful. Having longer leave may have even swayed me to go back.
Instead, I quit after my leave was over
I felt like I had to. I wasn't ready to go back, and my employer hadn't supported me as much when I was gone. How would things have been if I'd gone back? I would have been expected to take calls outside of work. To answer emails outside of work. Go to mandatory happy hours with clients. See my very young baby even less than I already would have.
If I wanted to give my baby breast milk, I would need to pump multiple times during the workday. I commend women who can do this. I hated pumping, and this would have been rough for me. It would have made work all the more stressful.
I would have lost my mind
We don't get enough time to bond with our new babies. The pressure of having to choose between family and career isn't a new one, but you never really understand until you become a parent. Becoming a mother changes you. You are not the person you used to be. You make hard choices.
We can do so much better in supporting moms
Between the lack of paid family leave and high work expectations, many jobs don't mesh well with being a mom. It isn't an excuse but a demonstration of how we, as a society, need to shift our perspective.
If moms feel supported and able to have a good work-life balance, their work will improve, they'll be happier in their careers, and they'll stay in the workforce. But until that's a reality, I've found a way to make money at something I love and still spend time with my kids. Because life is too short, and our kids are too important.
